i feel like i have an unhealthy fixation with minor injuries on my body – mostly little cuts and tears, skin pulling away from grazes and incisions.
last night, i put off going to sleep for about half an hour while i picked at the skin underneath my right thumbnail.
the skin tore from the nail in that raw, painful way that i knew, even then, would hurt so badly while it healed.
this happens from time to time, and the wound starts small – a tiny little tear at one corner of the nail – but i always pick at it more and more until it spans the whole length of the nail.
if i have some skin hanging off of a cut, i always pick at it until there’s a clean break, even if it means making the cut worse or exposing more raw skin.
for some reason, i always feel like i need to make a wound worse for it to heal properly or completely, and i end up in way more pain than if i’d just left it alone.
i think about this every single time it happens and i never seem to learn my lesson.