i gave the rest of my alcohol to a homeless person and joffjof just made the best mac and cheese.
loving life!!
Month: September 2012
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ew.
i made out with some gross guy in korova’s bathroom.
that’s actually disgusting.
and then he bought me a beer and i drank it even though it was super risky.
disgusting.
somebody please tell me i gave him the wrong number.
somebody please tell me i’ll never see him again.
never again.
this is why i never hook up with people.
i’m better than that.
a friend walked me home tonight and i kissed him on the cheek.
that’s all i want.
good friends who will take me for who i am.
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maybe i was too quick.
maybe i was too harsh.
maybe i can fix things?
there’s always hope.
drunk minds speak sober hearts.
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to:
friendships need nourishing.
you abandoned ours and now it’s gone off to a dusty corner and died somewhere.
the flesh of the heart is the most impressionable – hurt it and the bruises can last an eternity. it rarely ever truly forgets.
you were a part of my back to school vision that didn’t pan out, and who can say if i’m better or worse for it?
all i know is i missed you, but not anymore.
strangers become acquaintances become good friends, and i guess the reverse happens too.
“good friends.”
that’s a joke. who can say if we were ever really friends at all? maybe i was just being stupid again.
but anyway, i don’t dwell on people who can’t be bothered to give a shit, so goodbye.
i hope you have fun with your new friends.
clearly we weren’t what you were looking for.
maybe i’ll see you around campus, and if i do i promise i’ll be friendly.
i’ll act like nothing’s changed at all.
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this phase of independence.
above: the wonderful roomie dinner nellie cooked a couple of days ago.
i’m really feeling comfortable living here. my room is pretty much exactly how i want it to be (except the string i hang all of my sketches off of keeps falling off the wall, but whatever, little things) and cooking isn’t even that hard (although i do have to remember to go shopping tomorrow for more groceries, lest i starve for the remainder of the week). yes, having the caf last year was so incredibly convenient, but this new phase of total independence is kind of a huge blast.
feeling so adult making my own coffee and toast and etc.
i made eggs for the first time today and they actually weren’t even that bad, so i feel like i have a fair chance at surviving the year.
also, i’m actually going to classes (for now) much to the surprise of my friends.
granted, i haven’t really been keeping up with the readings, but i mean i can catch up at any time (this weekend). i’m waiting to see if there’s a shift in my grades to decide whether or not lectures are as important as everyone makes them out to be.
my extra-curricular list is piling pretty high. i’m planning on getting pretty involved with tv mcgill, even though i botched my audition for slow burn. i looked at the script maybe once before heading over, and instead of waiting in line, some guy ushered me directly into the audition room. i had to audition with this girl who was super prepared. you could tell she’d already been over the script a couple of times and already made some character choices, while i kept missing cues and having delayed reactions to all of the stage directions. oh well, at least i can be part of the crew, i guess.
apparently i’m also part of red cross and i’m planning to apply for some writing executive jobs for a couple of publications.
also, luke, robby, laura and i are all heading down to clean some shore or something with the conservationist society this saturday.
so yeah, i’m hoping to stay pretty involved because clubs are super fun and stuff.
and so are parties! everyone’s apartments are so nice, and it’s so fun to trash them!
i went to ‘90s night yesterday and was reminded how much i love to dance to loud music with the energy of a crowd behind me, but i’m really starting to become more of a house party guy.
i just need a good group of friends and the prospect of a wonderful night.
(however, i’m sure i’ll still head out quite frequently, just to feel the bass under my feet)
i was at this one party and this one guy passed out before it even reached 9:30 pm. and then he threw up and a ladder fell on his head.
i told them to put a waste bin next to him, but nobody listens to me.
it’s nice to be able to just drop by my friends’ apartments and hang out for a bit on my way back from school, or after a meeting or whenever. the friend group’s solid and i’ve already met a few new people who have garnered my interest.
i went through a couple of mood swings, but i think i’m over it.
everything’s so exciting.
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a nook.
above: just having a casual sass in my new room in my new apartment in montreal.
yesterday this room was filled with junk and looked entirely unappealing.
but thanks to my gracious family (and ikea), we’ve managed to transform it into a comfortable, cozy nook in the middle of all of the hubbub in the city.
i kind of never want to leave it, which is problematic since i have to attend class.
“have to” attend class.
right now i’m sitting on a cushion on the floor, listening to lana del rey and eating crackers and cheese and drinking coffee at my table/zen zone.
i’m not going to have any problem living here. this feels like home.
and i don’t have a desk, which speaks volumes of what kind of student i am.
BUT I’M ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ATTEND CLASS THIS YEAR.
everyone please pray for me.
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LAST DAY IN THE PHILIPPINES STARTS NOW.
i’ll be on a plane to japan soon.
and then to new york.
and then montreal.
SUPER EXCITED TO GO FURNITURE SHOPPING.
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admiration.
every once in a while in my reading i come across a character in a novel that i admire and wish to emulate. right now that character is haruki murakami’s cinnamon in ‘the wind-up bird chronicle.’
he reminds me of the way i used to be – effortlessly talented and proficient at everything i attempted.
like him, i taught myself instruments to a fairly high level of skill and learned languages on mere whims. now i can’t even get myself to learn french out of necessity.
i feel like i’m getting dumber as i grow older, but maybe everyone feels that way.
whenever i drink with friends, i spend a little bit of time imagining the brain cells i must be killing with the alcohol. but i get over it soon enough, remembering that deterioration is just another natural process in the cycle of life.
but anyway, cinammon is always immaculately dressed and can communicate perfectly even though he’s unable to speak. he possesses a sort of quiet elegance that i envy.
but alas, i’m loud and outspoken and would probably be miserable speaking as little as he does.
still, maybe i can capture a bit of that silent grace.
i’m going to buy a set of charcoal and a new journal tomorrow.
i’m going back to my roots.
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(ad)vantage point.
detach yourself from the situation.
climb up somewhere else and gain new perspective.
sometimes i forget it could be worse.
sometimes i forget to laugh at myself.
sometimes i forget how people do things for me instead of to me.
but i will never forget that i am loved.
my brother is playing music and my sister is looking into the mirror while she tries on dresses and it is quiet and the floor is covered in mattresses and i’ve come to realize that i’m happy here, with my book and my coffee.
i love my family.
