Waiting and Waiting (title track)- John Mark NelsonThought you were next to me, opened my eyes,
it was a trick of the first morning light.
one of the most beautiful songs i’ve heard in a while.
Month: August 2013
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strange things in the night.
i’m testing out the earbuds i just bought and listening to explosions in the sky and the strangest thing just happened to me.
the music hit a certain chord, and i felt a kind of pang, and suddenly i felt really, really heavy, yet empty all at once.
my lungs kind of felt like they were collapsing in on themselves and it was really awkward.
and then i started crying, and i realized i felt lonely, and scared.
scared that i’ve been reading everything wrong, and love might not be something that comes easily to me.
scared for the things that haven’t happened yet.
scared i might never find what i want and what i need, and i don’t even know what those things are.
but the thing is, i’m in a really good spot right now.
everything is falling into place and new beginnings are bursting on the horizon.
so why do i feel like i might not be okay?
i guess we all need to be sad every once in a while – to remember what it feels like to let your fears consume you – to stop pushing them back against a wall.
it’s been a long time since i cried like this and i’m completely sober.
it was kind of cathartic.
it reminded me that i’m not invincible, and that i’m still growing, and there are still so many things that have yet to happen.
things might not be perfect now, but there is time.
there is always time.
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went to future’s last night with elaha and bre for a nice, sober catchup session.
we had some good lyfchatz and it was really cute.
the last few weekends have taken a lot out of me.
i think i’m going to take a break from anything too crazy for a little while.
i’m supposedly going to vancouver soon.
i’m excited.
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we spent monday morning and early afternoon quietly enjoying each other’s company and thinking about the great weekend that we had.
saying bye to luke was bittersweet and sad, but i’ll be seeing him again soon enough so it’s fine.
met up with katrina at second cup and we were all basically dying from exhaustion.
we had to get vegetables and detox at a park for a while before meeting up with nellie for the drive home.
the drive itself was long, but fun. we made a little convoy with adam and the rest and it was nice to know that we weren’t on the journey alone.
in fact, he had to drive further than us, which sucks teehee.
it was a great weekend.
and then luke texted me saying he could access the files for our apartment, so it looks like we’re actually going to be roommates this year.
i’m actually really excited for school to start.
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sunday was a weird day because we didn’t really know what we were doing, but it was fun.
we went to tamtams with ashton and laura but then it started pouring so we headed to laura’s place shortly after.
her apartment was so cute.
luke and i had already started drinking, so we didn’t think much of keeping it going along.
we went and bought more booze and then went back to his place to have a nice japanese dinner (and by that i mean we had spaghetti and sat on the floor).
and then we had an on and off dance party for the next few hours. we’d play really dancy music, and then take a break and listen to some chill music, and then dance again.
sometimes luke would go into his room and play the piano.
it was fun.
we ended up back at our place having a dance party with more people that night before heading to tokyo.
a couple of cops stopped us on the way to tokyo because we were blatantly taking swigs from a bottle of wine in public. they asked elaha and someone else for their ids, but didn’t ask for mine even though i was in between them and had passed elaha the bottle.
we managed to talk our way out of any real trouble or fines (here’s to playing the naive little tourist card), but one of the cops did pour the rest of the wine on the sidewalk right in front of us.
there wasn’t even that much left – he should’ve just let us chug it.
tokyo was full when we got there, so jared, luke, elaha and i went to adam’s to check things out.
they were all really burnt out from the whole weekend, so we didn’t stay for very long, but it was nice to see them.
we ended up walking/singing to la banquisse and grabbing a couple of poutines before cabbing home.
elaha fully had a french conversation with our driver and it was the best thing ever.
and then we went to sleep.
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i had a really nice morning with luke on saturday (breakfast, starbucks, goodchatz, etc) and that made me happy.
osheaga itself was a blast, as per.
we took a pill when we got there and it hit us faster and harder than the last time. i just wanted to embrace and absorb everything and i was feeling really receptive of all the positive energy.
the fates smiled down upon us and everything seemed to click into place.
i’d been in dire need of sunglasses and lip balm when this magical fairy god mother of a woman came up to us bearing presents.
it turns out she was a promoter for some sort of wine and she had a pair of sunglasses and a tin of lip balm to give to each of us.
i was ecstatic.
we bumped into a bunch of friends, got food and went into the trees to sit down and listen to music and i just felt so content. somewhere along the way we’d taken another pill.
i hit a low at one point and got really sad, but i reminded myself that it was a passing thing and just rode the waves.
eventually i was sprawled across luke and looking out into the crowd in the distance and the whole world just seemed to be really in tune. it was amazing.
we went into the crowd to see imagine dragons, but unfortunately k-os was playing before them and he was just an awful person all around. thankfully, imagine dragons turned out to be great.
dancing in the crowd:
“wouldn’t it be great if it started raining a little bit right now?”
and then it started raining the perfect amount.
positive vibes all around.
however, getting out of that crowd turned out to be hell.
took our last pills after regrouping and found nellie and her friends. macklemore came on and we danced and then headed over to the electro stage for porter robinson.
new fav.
i thought i was tired, but i forgot about my fatigue as soon as i heard the music and saw all the flashing lights. it was insane. i just got so into it.
we were all dancing zombies.
we left shortly afterwards.
attended holly’s surprise birthday party later on and that was really cute. luke, jared and elaha left early but i stuck around for a bit.
when i got back home, luke and elaha were still awake on the couch and i joined them and we talked and ate chips.
all of us thought we were pretty tired, but then jared came home, turned out the lights, turned on his strobe light app and blasted music and we danced for the next three hours.
it hit about 4 am when we decided we should probably go to bed.
i think it’s safe to say we might’ve still been rolling just a little teeny bit.
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arrived on thursday night, drank at luke’s, drank at a park and tried to go to tokyo before giving up and heading to good ol’ bifteck.
had breakfast with dylan at henry’s the next morning, which was nice.
luke wanted a couple of new tanktops for osheaga, so we went shopping with ashton and gabby for those. ashton had the most ridiculous outfit on and it was hilarious (he got his top at sirens, which apparently sells the best tanktops ever, but only in women’s sizes).
luke and i had a party that night (he wore one of his new tops) and a bunch of our friends came so it was a pretty good time.
a bunch of people i didn’t know came too, so that was fun.
we had two tables set up for drinking games, ashton wore a crop top (which i ended up wearing as well at some point) and everyone was getting tipsy, so all in all it was a pretty good night.
elaha went to bed early because she wasn’t feeling too hot, but after everyone left we went into the living room and listened to john mayer on the speakers by ourselves.
it was great.
we’d actually listened to john mayer to and from montreal as well.
there was a lot of john mayer this weekend.
no complaints.
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went to montreal for osheaga last weekend. it was a mishmash of living room dance parties, substance abuse and bonding with friends. i haven’t blogged about it until now because capturing everything that happened and everything i felt seemed like such a daunting task, but it’s whatever i guess. photorecap to follow.