dirty little whirlwind, i'm pinned to the heart of your swirl.
DISCLAIMER: this is a personal blog (i just want to write about my life 😭) and does not necessarily reflect the views, opinions or perspectives of my employer or church.
this whole oyster fiasco is so sad because i went to the gym for the first time in about two months and did groceries today and when i got home i looked in the mirror and i was like glowing and i felt weirdly beautiful and now i’ve gone and eaten two raw oysters that may very well lead to me becoming very ill and/or dying in the most unglamarous way imaginable.
UGGGGGGGGH, STOP THROWING CURVE BALLS AT ME, LIFE.
here is a video of pauly bear trying to eat one of the oysters. i ate three (two) of them.
here is a video of pauly bear trying to eat one of the oysters. i ate three (two) of them.
)
today i went to a mongolian hot pot place with pauly bear.
he wanted to go to a supermarket in china town after class and i was super hungry so we decided to have dinner on the way.
i’d never tried mongolian hot pot and it was really fun. except i’m an idiot and i don’t ask for instructions before i ingest things, which i apparently need to do from now on.
the waitress brought us six raw oysters and upon their arrival pauly bear told me that people eat them raw, but ours looked way too big and kind of weird.
i was like ‘whatever’ and ate two of them, but pauly bear was only able to try half of one before spitting it out.
then he waved a waitress over and asked if we were supposed to eat them raw, and she looked extremely alarmed and said ‘NOOOOOOOOO.’
let’s just say i did not take this well.
i told her i ate two of them and i started panicking and i asked her if i was going to get really sick/die and she seemed so amazed that i was even able to successfully eat the offending oysters that she wasn’t even able to process what was happening at first. damn my stomach of steel and ability to eat anything.
the waitress started laughing and assured me multiple times that i would be fine before walking away.
but she was not a doctor and i was not assured.
i googled ‘will i die if i eat raw oysters that are supposed to be cooked?’ and found this:
“You can get seriously ill and even die from eating raw oysters contaminated with Vibrio vulnificus – a bacterium commonly found in waters where oysters are cultivated such as the Gulf of Mexico. Vibrio vulnificus is found in higher concentrations during the summer months as water becomes warmer.”
so i thought, ‘okay good, it’s january. that’s not a summer month at all. i’m fine.’
but then the article went on to say:
“People who drink alcoholic beverages regularly may be at risk for liver disease, and, as a result, are at risk for serious illness or death from consuming raw oysters contaminated by the bacteria.”
so i’m probably gonna die.
i said a little prayer and told myself ‘well, what’s done is done i guess.’
i told pauly bear that i was feeling faint and nauseous and he told me to stop psyching myself out.
i told him that this might be the last time he’d see me and asked him what his last words to me would be.
he said, “you’re beautiful.”
that made me feel a little bit better. so did the waitress laughing and once again telling me i’d be fine on our way out.
and now it’s just a waiting game. i’m feeling fine right now but the damn oysters are going to be floating around in the back of my mind for the next 48 hours.
i hope i don’t start feeling sick before tomorrow’s dinner. i’m going to isakaya with a bunch of friends and everything there looks delicious on their website. and then i want to go to gerts.
i’ve been looking forward to this since last week!
on the bright side, pauly bear said ours was the most fun and hilarious dinner he’s had in a while.
what i learned today: always assume that everything presented to you at mongolian hot pot is supposed to be boiled.
stay tune to find out if i triumph over the oysters in this epic fight for survival.
i am at home, listening to destiny’s child’s emotion, and trying to get over all of it.
everything will turn out fine.
i have enough faith in life to know this to be true.
What you feel makes part of what they’ll feel, it’s a chain reaction.
Put out fear and they’ll feel fear, it’s a chain reaction.
Put out love and they’ll feel love, it’s a chain reaction.
“D’you know what happens when you hurt people?” Ammu said. “When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.”
– “The God of Small things” by Arundhati Roy
and suddenly this jagged shard – this memory of the way things are.
there is a space carved deep in the night where i become unreachable.
it is hollow and empty – yet full of dark, lingering fears.
it is a space where i crawl into myself – look myself in the eyes – and see terrible, unforgivable things.
it is where i let thoughts fester in murky pools, blossoming in twisted ways in the darkness.
sometimes i wonder if i will ever be truly – freely – happy.
then i go to sleep, wake up and take a walk in the sun.
but still,
there will always be that corner in the night.
i just finished reading ‘a pale view of hills’ by kazuo ishiguro (wusky lent me his copy, bless his heart) and my mind is reeling with like six different interpretations.
such a weird book.
in other news, i’m actually going to start going to my classes tomorrow, so congratulations to me – winter break is finally over.
i’ve also decided to start going to the gym again on tuesday, so congratulations to me again.
wow i’m so good at being alive.
uh oh someone managed to catch me on candid camera
this weekend was good for me.
there was some fun and some rest and even a hearty potluck.
i got to spend a little bit of time to myself, doing a little bit of inner work and getting excited for the coming semester.
i signed up for a watercolour mini course with laura and nellie.
i also started an online journal and it’s been so refreshing to get back to truly free writing – writing from the heart – with complete and unapologetic honesty – about anything and everything i want.
i didn’t know how much i missed it.
up next: yoga.
tuesday, jan. 7: i turned 21!
luke made me cookies in the shape of the number 21 for when i got home on the 6th. they were left out on the counter overnight so they were kind of stale by the time i ate them the next day. for my actual birthday he took me out for lunch at three amigos because i wanted to wear a sombrero.
it was super cute and he was super sweet and i got to drink a pina colada and steal a sombrero which now hangs from a chair in our living/dining room.
i actually really love our roommate dates.
then i went to watch ‘the wolf of wall street’ with nellie. the movie had a lot of drugs and a lot of sex and it was pretty good. i didn’t really think there was much of a plot but maybe that’s just me.
i met up with ashton, he walked me home and we hung out with luke for a little bit before luke and i headed to joe and joffjoff’s to figure out what we wanted to do for the night.
we ended up going to gerts.
well, they ended up going to gerts. i stopped by a house party to use the bathroom on the way. they kept going and by the time i reached gerts, last call had already happened and the bouncers wouldn’t let me in even though all of my friends were inside and it was my birthday.
i got pissed, called joe, told him what was up and left.
i headed to bdp by myself, saw some familiar faces (thank God), and then chris came to meet me.
all of my friends eventually showed up too and i wasn’t even mad at gerts anymore. and it was all very cute.
and then i went back to chris’ place and there were snuggles and it was cozy.
all in all, it was a pretty good birthday.
sunday, jan. 5: yodit and elaha took me to ripley’s’ aquarium and then for sushi for my birthday (sadiq made an appearance at sushi)!
omfg, the aquarium was so cool – or maybe i’m just easily pleased, but like i don’t even care if it means i get to have a great time.
i think i was more excited than any of the children there. i was literally yelling at the fish at some points.
“WHAT ARE YOU.”
“WHAT DO YOU DO.”
etc.
i had a blast. going to the aquarium was high up on my to do list for toronto, and i’m so glad i got to cross it off.
saturday jan. 4: the family celebrated my birthday because i wasn’t going to be in toronto on my actual birthday.
my mom originally wanted to have a huge birthday party for me because turning 21 is a huge deal in filipino culture, but i didn’t want the pressure and i don’t have enough friends in toronto to fill a venue, so i asked to have a nice family dinner at the red lobster instead (a completely arbitrary decision which turned out alright).
it was cute, and i made sure the dinner was all about me.
“orpah, who are you texting on my birthday?”
“ophir, why are you falling asleep on my birthday?”
etc.
and then we went home to cut my specially made cake and open presents. my parents got me this really nice pen with my birthstone and my name engraved in it. and i also got a new phone, which was much needed since my old phone was a barely-functioning piece of shit.
i love celebrating my birthday with the fam!
friday, jan. 3: i went to an all ages rave with elaha and her boyfriend, kind of as a joke and kind of just to see what all ages raves are actually like.
we did some stuff before going to make sure we were nice and prepped, and honestly i actually had fun, even though getting the stuff took way too long and was a huge pain in the ass.
i spent most of the time dancing and making friends. everyone was super friendly – probably because they’d done some stuff too.
i started feeling sick on the busride home – the stuff didn’t mix too well with alcohol, i guess – so i had to get off the bus and the only way to do that was by going to watch a movie at raf’s house.
my brother came and picked me up at raf’s house and drove me home where i basically died.
fun night! and it turns out i don’t actually hate ravers!
