Month: April 2014

• on gaysians.

  

  so a couple of guys i know came up to me at oap on friday and asked to take this photo with me. i agreed to it even though i kind of hated the fact that they just wanted a shot of the “gaysians.” i mean, it’s all in good fun, right?

  but then a (white) guy i’ve barely (if ever) spoken to posted it on facebook with the caption “hello kitty” and all of the tags were mixed up.

  and then someone commented on it asking “[insert poster’s name here], are you Regina George and is this your army of skanks?”

  and it kind of just irked me.

  here are some issues i have with this whole situation.

  1. i’ve never had a substantial conversation with any of these guys and they do not know me at all as a person (we are not really friends yet).

  2. i don’t like being referred to as part of anybody’s army of skanks (especially if it’s somebody i don’t actually know).

  3. i kind of have a problem with being reduced to my race and/or sexuality. i’m proud of both these aspects of my personhood insofar as they are part of who i am as a whole being and i’m proud of myself as a whole. my race and sexuality are parts of (as opposed to my entire) identity.

  it might be all in good fun, but i just feel like this kind of thing perpetuates actually damaging attitudes that see “gaysian” people as a collective made up of identical and interchangeable parts, when in reality, we are, each of us, incredibly complex individuals, as every person is.

  past the most obvious and superficial similarities, these gentlemen and i are probably not that much alike.

  i’d feel differently if this photo was taken because we’re all actual friends having a good time rather than because we all happen to be asian, identify as gay, and (barely) know each other.

  tl;dr – i ended up kind of feeling like a prop and it was not chill.

  HUGE DISCLAIMER: i’m not saying any of the people involved are bad people or had bad intentions. the whole thing was meant to be a joke about how people treat us as a collective and/or mix us up, but i feel like a photo like this (and the accompanying caption/commentary) might condone/indulge that attitude/behaviour. i just thought it spoke to larger issues and wanted to share my thoughts.

  April 27, 2014

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• 

  

  

  

  glennoconnell:

  Frozen 2

  Source: glennoconnell

  April 20, 2014

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• this girl is 13.

  (Source: https://www.youtube.com/)

  April 20, 2014

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• still love this song.

  (Source: https://www.youtube.com/)

  April 20, 2014

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• on liking you.

  today i woke up and i turned to you and smiled.

  and you said “hey you” and i asked you why it was so late in the day.

  you told me you were being nice, to me and to you – but i think probably mostly to me.

  you cleaned your apartment and i helped for a bit before giving up and browsing the internet. you didn’t like the way i poured rotten things down the drain, and i didn’t know any better.

  we showered and then got lunch, because it was too late for breakfast. you had a muffin and i had too much soup. and then we parted ways.

  later in the day you told me you were sad, and i felt bad for being a distraction – for being the one making you sleep in.

  but i am getting so used to waking up next to you.

  and when you are sad, i am sad.

  and i like the way you say i make you happy.

  and i like the way i’m really liking you.

  April 15, 2014

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• 

  acid art.

  April 15, 2014

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• spring trippin.

  

  above: me and luke on top of the mountain last thursday.

  luke and i took acid last thursday and it was pretty fun.

  it was supposed to be a really nice day, so we thought we might as well.

  we started the trip by painting outside. we brought out a table and a couple of cushions – all of the paints, water, brushes and paper – put on some music and made some art. i painted a face and he painted not a face.

  then it got too windy so we put everything away and just stood on the terrace talking about the grander mysteries of life and all its parts.

  after a while, it was time to set off on our journey up the mountain. luke had been very prepared and brought a backpack full of sandwiches, apples, granola bars and water so we could have a picnic.

  there were many checkpoints on our journey:

  1. the melodic swings right by our apartment. it was difficult to coordinate our swings so that they played a melody. the swings are way better than the last installment near place des arts.

  2. we bought beer at the metro. we wanted to buy it at the superdep but they didn’t have the beer we wanted, so we ended up just walking around there for a really long time looking super suspicious. the line at the metro was long and i felt like i was melting. luke was more patient than me. i also saw a newspaper cover story that said something along the lines of “Prince George Plays” and it pissed me right off.

  3. we sat at some steps near molson stadium and stared up at the clouds. i saw networks and patterns and origins and the expansion of everything. it was pretty cool.

  4. we visited the godtree from a previous trip. we stopped and had a beer and reminisced and chatted, immersing ourselves in the feeling of nature. we saw an alpha bird eating bugs off of a tree. i like visiting the godtree because it always seems like a little slice away from the rest of the world.

  5. we made it up to the look out and stared down at all of the tiny people on all of the winding roads. we thought about perspective and how all the people down there were experiencing something completely different from what we were experiencing. everyone is so small, yet so big. i thought about how everyone has a story.

  6. we found the alpha picnic table and sat down for our picnic. it was yummy and calm and the weather was nice. it was cute.

  and so we made it up the mountain.

  after a while, we headed to jared’s house. nobody was home so we took some time to draw and have more beer. we also sat outside for a while, drinking beer while i smoked, and it reminded us of the end of last summer.

  then we went to bda, which had a strange vibe to it. it was the last one of the semester so there was a dj and i felt like i was in a really bright nightclub. i saw a lot of friends and i enjoyed myself. don’t know if luke liked it too much. it was a bit suffocating after all of the journeying we did.

  we went to nellie’s house to pre, which was fun, and then we went to gerts.

  i don’t really remember what happened after that but we ended up on the rooftop of some mcgill building. it reminded me of the nightprowls i’d go on back in toronto, roaming the city with friends, trespassing and climbing roofs. i remembered getting arrested.

  on our way down, i ripped my grey shorts, which was very sad.

  and then we got poutine and went home.

  it was a fun day.

  April 15, 2014

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• 

  i went shopping with luke today and i made him try this on at urban outfitters.

  i think he bought both pieces.

  after shopping, we went to 3 brasseurs for dinner and beer and then went home, got high and watched prometheus.

  good roommate date!

  April 10, 2014

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• fear.

  while i was leaving chris’s apartment on saturday night, a car drove past me and someone in it aggressively yelled “FAGGOT.”

  now, i consider myself a pretty well-adjusted human being, so normally things like that don’t bother me. usually i brush it off and pray for those people to be enlightened from their ignorance, because that kind of insidious hatred just doesn’t make a happy person.

  but this was somehow different.

  maybe it was the fact that i was alone, or the fact that it was late, but something about it suddenly and invasively jerked me back to a kind of reality, and that reality is this:

  i am living in a world that is full of blind hatred and no matter what i do, just because of one aspect of who i am that some people have decided to mark as despicable, i am constantly under the threat of violence.

  hate crimes happen every day, and it’s terrifying.

  people think that slurs like “faggot” are innocuous – that they are just mean words and people should just have thicker skin.

  but no, that is not all they are.

  they are weapons rooted in a kind of hatred that has the proven potential to kill.

  they are stark reminders that we live in a cruel and dangerous world.

  late at night, when i am all alone, they are reality checks to the fact that i am not safe solely because of one harmless part of my being that some people somehow find offensive.

  suddenly, i’m a target.

  and even though i am fearless in the face of so many other things, when it comes to this, i am afraid.

  April 8, 2014

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• 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  i spent most of the weekend with the realboo.

  friday night was TJR at telus, and saturday was our date night, which i’d been planning for a while. it was supposed to be last weekend, but chris’s dad came up so we rescheduled.

  we went to old port to partake in scena’s special ‘chef a l’erable,’ which was a kind of urban sugar shack dining experience.

  we were served so many courses and they were all incredibly rich and delicious. they also did a good job decorating the place and creating a really intimate atmosphere.

  the drinks were also amazing: chris had a caesar, i had a maple mojito, and we both had wine with dinner.

  however, we were sitting next to a bunch of other people and there was this one woman who was basically an outlier of her larger group and was supposed to share food with us, and it was always just a little bit awkward going in and dividing the portions.

  i always went to get my food first, chris always went second and she always got what was left over, and when it comes to food, i’m incredibly selfish, so i really had to restrain myself.

  but it was all part of the fun!

  it was incredibly cute, and incredibly filling, and by the time we left, i felt like i was going to explode.

  i went to joffjoff’s place afterward to celebrate his birthday. we ended up going to bluedog and dancing, which was fun.

  chris made me spaghetti for dinner on sunday and then we went to juliette et chocolat for dessert.

  we split a fondu and he had an order of profiteroles while i had a fleur de sel caramel petit pot, which was amazing. as always, we ended up feeling like we were going to be sick by the time we left, but it was worth it!

  it’s funny because we go there so often, yet never learn.

  and then we went back to his place and went for a nightswim in his pool. there were two girls studying there and they were so friendly.

  today we woke up and had breakfast at universel before going to target. he bought me a couple of moleskin notebooks (at my relentless beckoning, but still, it was cute), and now i feel reinspired to write again, which is nice.

  it was a good weekend.

  April 8, 2014

  me

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• dancedancedance.

  

  above: chris and i being embarrassingly ratchet at telus theatre on friday night.

  MUS had their last event of the year – TJR – and chris, luke, jared and i decided to go together.

  chris and i were rolling, of course, while jared and luke just got really drunk.

  it didn’t take us very long to lose them, so we spent most of the night with each other and the random people who happened to surround us on the dance floor. it was kind of a shame though, because i kind of wanted it to be a nice bonding night between friends, but chris was with me so no complaints.

  at one point luke found us and asked me for my last cap, and i didn’t even mind giving it to him. i wanted him to have fun.

  chris and i spent some time sitting down while coming up and i’m pretty sure, one of the security guards thought i was selling drugs because of the ziplog bag obviously hanging out of my pocket. i met his eye, noticed the conspicuous ziplock bag, and whisked chris onto his feet and onto the dancefloor.

  we somehow managed to reach the front and centre of the stage, where we spent most of the night.

  it was a beautiful, sweaty mess.

  i hadn’t been out to a big event in a really long time, and this was the first time i was going with someone i was dating, and it was really fun.

  it was nice having someone i liked to hold on to, and someone to turn to and kiss. sometimes i would turn around and just face him and dance, or lean against the stage, head back, taking everything in.

  i love the energy of events like that, and the lights and the pulsing music.

  and obviously i love to dance – to move to a rhythm and feel it in me – to close my eyes sometimes and just feel it.

  and the photographer loved us.

  chris and i thought about going to the after party, but we were too tired, so we just went back to his place and fell asleep.

  it was fun.

  April 8, 2014

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• 

  had a date night with wusky last wednesday, which was so cute because i don’t see him nearly as often as i should.

  i came over to play a survival horror videogame he has (outlast) because i absolutely love survival horror videogames and have been dying to play a new one. i haven’t gotten my fix since fatal frame, and outlast was a pretty good taste of what i’ve been missing.

  it wasn’t as atmospheric, as engaging plot-wise or as chillingly eerie as fatal frame, but it was still wholly enjoyable as a survival horror videogame experience. wusky heard me scream several times.

  there was one sequence where the power shut off and i had to go down into a dark basement to turn the generator or something and it was so horrible because i am absolutely terrified of basements. i won’t even go down into my house in toronto’s basement by myself because i’m so terrified.

  to be fair, my house in toronto’s basement is horrifyingly creepy – there’s a mattress down there for no reason but it makes it look like someone’s been living in it, an eerie bookshelf covered in old books and vhs cassettes, and boxes upon boxes of God knows what.

  but i digress.

  apparently i stopped playing right when it was about to get to a really good, really creepy part, so i guess i’ll have to come over to his place and continue.

  wusky made really nice pasta and cracked open a bottle of wine for dinner and it was super cute. i love hanging out with friends like that – doing warm, sweet things.

  it’s a nice change from the usual ‘go out get drunk/get drunk go out’ scenario.

  we watched ‘the heat’ during dinner and then wusky showed me a really visually appealing video game that was basically a 2014 version of space invaders.

  and then i left, met up with nellie, went out and got drunk.

  April 8, 2014

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