yesterday was the “reclaiming belonging” conference at st. john’s church – a day conference exploring how to maintain scriptural integrity while championing the full participation of lgbtq+ people in the life of the church (we’ve been planning on going to this conference for months and now the timing of it seems so fortuitous 👀).
according to their website:
Scriptural integrity is often pitted against the celebration of LGBTQ+ communities and their full inclusion in all aspects of church life. This tension is particularly apparent in current debates around the Blessing of same sex relationships within the Church of England.
‘Reclaiming Belonging’ is a day conference for anyone wanting to explore how to maintain Scriptural integrity whilst championing the full participation of LGBTQ+ people in the life of the church.
Together, we’ll be re-examining traditional interpretations of Scripture through an expansive and compassionate lens, to propose that celebrating and including LGBTQ+ people is what it means to be faithful to the God revealed in the Bible.
it was a day full of important learning and conversation. chris and i led worship (meaning i woke up earlier than i’ve woken up in probably weeks [6:45am lol]) and it was a really beautiful, intimate and encouraging way to spend the morning and afternoon.
i’d previously read jonathan tallon’s book, so i already knew the information he discussed during his keynote session on Romans 1, but it was a nice reminder of how important it is to engage with scripture critically and not just take it at its plain-text face value. when you don’t dive deeper and seek true understanding, you do yourself a disservice. the Bible is not something you should approach simplistically. it’s the living word. it’s meant to be wrestled with, pondered, uncovered, layer by layer, across time – and even then, so much remains a mystery, there’s always so much more to learn. but conversely, even then, God’s message of radical, inclusive love shines through.
the session exploring the good fruit of inclusive churches was really encouraging. the speaker told stories of churches that have “fully and joyfully embraced lgbtq+ people and families and are gloriously fruitful and thriving”. and yet, at the end, when people around the room were sharing their own stories of encouragement, i felt the need to point out the urgency of creating inclusive spaces not just to bear good fruit, but also to avoid the bad fruit of non-affirming spaces that refuse to embrace, celebrate and honour the full humanity of lgbtq+ people in the same way as their heterosexual counterparts.
later, at lunch, a mother came up to me and thanked me for what i said. apparently, her daughter had been very involved at a non-affirming church while secretly being in a same-sex relationship. the leaders at her church would tell her things like she was full of the spirit and that God was with her. but when they found out about her girlfriend a few months later, they rejected her, forcing her to either end her relationship or leave the church.
when she argued that they’d previously told her how spirit-filled she was, they said that that was before she went into this relationship, and since then, she’d “fallen from grace.” those were apparently their exact words. and when she told them she’d been in the relationship the whole time and they just didn’t know about it, they just said they’d been wrong about her then. and so she left that church, heartbroken and abandoned. thankfully, she was able to find a church that fully accepted and honoured her.
honestly, while the conference was encouraging (sadly, it already means so much that we can even have conferences like this), it also made it so clear that in this institution where lgbt+ people are simply fighting to be recognized as people who truly love God and others, it’s always going to be an uphill battle. how do you begin to build unity with people who don’t even recognize your full humanity? it would be easy to succumb to a defeatist attitude, but for some reason, through grappling with all of this, i’ve come to realize that at the end of the day, i have faith that God can still make what seems impossible possible, and that love will have the last word.
during dinner with nellie the other night, she posited that in all actuality, lgbt+ people who stay in the church should be the most respected, because their faith is hard-fought and hard-won. there is no good reason any queer person would stay in an institution that broadly and openly hates them (or at least, does not fully love or include them) – especially the church, which is perhaps the best-known institution in the modern western world that so obviously and vehemently discriminates against lgbt+ people – unless they have real faith.
and i have real faith. if, as my sister puts it, God’s love is enacted through community and relationship with others, then i will stay in community and in relationship with others, even when that community can sometimes hurt. i stay in the church because i believe in a force of love that is higher, stronger and more important than the sad brokenness that flawed people bring to the table. i believe this is a love worth fighting for and it is a love that will win.
this conference was actually canceled last year and postponed to yesterday, and i feel like the timing has to be more than just a coincidence. so many things have been happening recently that shake me out of my complacency, that renew a sense of urgency, that force me to face a hard reality but also hope to be some small spark of change. and it all makes me think of one of my favourite verses:
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
– 2 Timothy 4:7
to me, pursuing the full inclusion of lgbt+ people in the church, hoping we can all one day live in the fullness of love and life God has for us, is part of fighting the good fight, running the race, and keeping the faith.
later, maya and i had dinner at mereme during their first dinner service. it was so lovely – such a change in vibe from their usual coffee shop set up. it was albanian-inspired small plates, orange wine (a passionfruit soda for me), a dj, low lighting – maya said this was the vibe that made living in london worth it. i’ve kind of made friends with the owners, ioni and slim, since i get coffee and read there so much, and they were so excited and happy, it was wonderful to see. maya said you can tell they really care about what they’re doing and it’s so refreshing that it isn’t just one of those soulless, corporate-hipster money grabs.
after dinner, we went back to my place and watched “apex” on netflix. a very netflix thriller in the sense that it’s simple, easy, vaguely entertaining watching with little to no depth or demand for complex thinking. which is exactly what we were in the mood for.
and today, we had our first church summer bbq, which was honestly so joyful. chris was a little bit stressed because we were expecting a bit of an influx of people visiting from st. savs, and with the bbq happening there was a lot going on, but it all pulled together in the end.
during our pre-service prayer meeting, i prayed a blessing over the bbq – for good weather and joy – and honestly, it felt like those prayers were answered. it thankfully didn’t rain, and so many people brought food – the spread was amazing. there was a true sense of community, of everyone chipping in and being able to enjoy time together. the woman i helped out on wednesday even showed up and stayed for the bbq, and she said that everyone she met was so welcoming and kind to her, and she was going to invite friends to start coming as well.
i thought about how it’s little things like these that make all of it – all of the struggle, all of the pain, all of the uncertainty – worth it and give me hope. this is the good fruit. this is all sorts of love rising to the surface.
i think i’m at a point of peace with everything. i can look at my past and recognize the damage, but i don’t have to remain in the bitterness of that place. i can hold my head proudly knowing how far i’ve come, i can live with the scars and not let them define me. and though the church really hurt me, it’s helping to heal me too, even if there’s still a long way to go. i can live life now choosing to look forward while honouring the little boy i once was, choosing to live fully, pursuing healing and wholeness, for myself and others, for him.
but that’s not to say these past couple of weeks haven’t been a bit draining. i missed a concert on friday because i wasn’t in the mood to go. i took a nap from 7pm-9pm today and now i’m a bit disoriented. so if anyone wants to say a prayer for me, please let it be that i might be able to recoup some energy and rest 🙏