my july has been frenetic, non-stop, back-to-back travel and plans. my sister was in london for a wedding and we decided to make a trip out of it, starting with cornwall, then paris, then provence – and in between, my church had a big weekend event, and right after, i did a pilgrimage with a few friends in devon.
and so i haven’t updated my blog because i haven’t had a moment to rest yet. but that moment’s finally come, and here i am, writing on my new freewrite traveler (pictured above), looking through photos, listening to demos of lorde’s virgin that she released for the album’s one-year anniversary (it will always remind me of summer in toronto), combing through recent memories.
i bought the freewrite traveler on ebay after seeing it in a friend’s instagram story. it’s basically a portable word processor, definitely overpriced (especially if you buy it new), and i’ve read online reviews from people who’ve frequently experienced software and hardware issues – but i took mine on the pilgrimage and i’ve been loving it. i wish i’d had it with me for cornwall and france. it’s portable enough to carry in a backpack or a tote; yesterday i even whipped it out on my tube journey home. for most contexts, i find it easier to use than a notebook and pen and so I’ve been writing much more.
i have to finish my writeups for cornwall and france and edit my stream of thought writing from the pilgrimage, but for now, i’ll post a little something i wrote on sunday:
07.26.26 – SUNDAY – 3:28PM
this morning was hazy and i operated, at the beginning, with a low-level frustration fighting to break out. maya called in sick to work yesterday, and with her out and chris covering at another church, i was left as the only staff member at the service. and i was leading worship by myself.
so already, stressors were up more than usual, and then everyone was late for various reasons. then the dishwasher apparently imploded, foam pouring out. I walked into the kitchen to the sight of nick crouched over, frantically wiping at the frothy mess with a random tablecloth. he was actually on time and really made an effort to help, bless him.
and so after last night’s return to finicky bad habits, and waking up disappointed and slightly ashamed of myself – this great dark cloud lingering over me – all of these little frustrations at church and my exhaustion from the pilgrimage and lack of sleep – it all piled up into an ever-growing, imposing mountain casting me in its shadow.
but then, during the pre-service prayer, i prayed a prayer of thanks for God’s presence – that even when we are exhausted and battered and worn out, He is there, and we can find rest in His comfort and peace. and i think even speaking that reality out loud allowed a shift – an externalized reminder of a deeper truth, a change in the story i could tell myself.
people started to come in and i felt the warmth and love of all of us together, and by the time i sat down at the keyboard to start worship, i felt much, much better – stronger and firmer in the day. i breezed through the two kids’ songs i was worried about and really felt a sense of the spirit for the other two songs.
and i thought, “this is the reality of God, that we can turn to Him when we are worn and weary, that we can seek Him in our times of trouble, and He will be there – He will sustain us and pull us through.”
and if it’s all a fantasy, i’m happy to live in that fantasy. i’m happy to believe.