09.15.26 – TUESDAY – 3:06PM – TORONTO
the past few days have been a whirlwind of love and joy and little sleep.
it started last friday, with my flight to toronto. i sat at the shake shack in the north terminal of gatwick airport, typing away on my freewrite while eating a burger. when it was time to go, i distinctly remember thinking i should pack my freewrite in my backpack differently so it would be more accessible, but somehow, i guess in the frenzy of thoughts and excitement of the airport, i ended up not packing it at all.
later, when i was on the plane looking through my backpack for wired headphones, i realized my freewrite was no longer with me. little panic and heartbreak, and for the first leg of the journey i forced myself to come to terms with the likelihood that i’d never see the device again. i resolved to file a lost item report as soon as i had the time, and tried to put all of my residual anxiety and self-chastising aside as best i could so i could focus on the excitement of coming home and being able to spend time with family and friends and see my brother get married.
we were grounded for about an hour after landing because of issues with the electronic terminals at pearson airport (a frequent problem you’d think they would’ve solved this far post-covid), and i ended up talking to the older man sitting next to me named terry.
he and his wife were in the uk for a trip back to his ancestral land of guernsey, and they were so grateful they were able to see it at least once. turns out he works at a company that manages mentorship for church leaders and he himself acts as a mentor, having been committed to his faith all his life. recently, i’ve found myself mysteriously seated to men of faith on flights; last time it was a man who was at one time a dean of divinity at oxford. it’s led to some very interesting and fruitful conversations. in fact, as i’m writing this, terry’s sent me a message recommending some churches to check out in toronto because i mentioned i might end up having to move home and would want to find a nice, invigorating church if that turned out to be the case.
the delay at pearson forced me to head straight from the airport to a family dinner with our family, alison’s (omri’s now wife’s) family, and their bridesmaids and groomsmen. i took a go bus from pearson to richmond centre and stopped by a tim horton’s for the mandatory medium double double and to change into a fancier outfit.
dinner was incredible chinese food (something i’ve sorely missed in london), and then the young’uns (all the siblings and the groomsmen and bridesmaids) went to karaoke nearby. we belted tunes, stone cold sober, and it was very fun. omri and alison fittingly sang a duet (breaking free, of course), and at the end, ophir sang a michael jackson song and danced before collapsing, exhausted.
the next day was omri’s bachelor party. started with dim sum at lobster port in markham, waves of dishes arriving intermittently. i tried durian for the first time and very much didn’t like it – kind of smelled and tasted like vomit, but i think it must be an acquired taste.
then we went to aerosports, where we competed with literal children for space on all the attractions. at one point, we were taking a photo in something that reminded me of a mcdonalds play place, and we were blocking the way of a few kids. we heard them say, annoyed, “why are there big kids here, that’s so weird,” before turning around.
we took turns riding on a 360 bike that went around and around, upside down. i historically get motion sick very easily, so i knew it was a bad idea for me, but i’m a staunch believer that you should take opportunities as they come and try as many thing as possible, so i went on anyway and it was predictably a very unpleasant experience that left me nauseous. but i’m glad i did it because now i know for sure that i never want to do it again!
after aerosports, we went to a rage room where we donned safety overalls and visors and got shoved into a room with the challenge of beating everything in it to an unrecognizable pulp. we took various weapons of choice to electronics and glass, throwing bottles to bat like baseballs, pummelling a microwave and a dyson vacuum, folding a flatscreen tv in half. the mallot was the best rage-enabling tool.
later, the man who ran the place said that their typical clientele are couples (perhaps channeling all of the unspoken rage they have for each other), and groups of women (who need an outlet for their frustrations). he said that he only ever rarely got groups of men, who have many other ways of letting off steam.
we had an omakase dinner at mizu sushi in scraborough and it was the best sushi i’ve had in a long time. they sprayed golden glitter into the air that made it look like we were in a flickering hollywood movie. standouts were the trout and fatty tuna. i wish i’d taken a photo of every individual piece as they came out and posted little collages to my instagram story so everyone’s eyes could feast. but then again, i’m trying to avoid social media (and being perceived).
we had some time between omakase and the next stop, so we went to asia food mart across the parking lot and bought a bunch of snacks. it’s a huge asian grocery store open 24 hours, and i said walking in that if i lived in the area and ever felt lonely or sad, i would simply go there and browse the aisles, open myself up to a chance encounter.
then we went to the last stop, twilight boardgame café. we booked the karaoke room but ended up just playing board games in it. telestrations, werewolf and poetry for neanderthals – all hilarious. i think telestrations might be my favourite game to play with a group because it’s so funny seeing everyone’s artistic interpretations of random phrases and watching how everything breaks down.
that night, our family stayed at the air bnb omri and alison rented us for the wedding. we slept late and woke up around at around 11am and it was wedding day!
omri was already gone by the time we woke up. we suited up and headed to the venue for photos and to do a single sound check for the worship song us siblings were set to perform (yet not i but christ in me).
the wedding went off without a hitch. it was a beautiful day, so full of heartfelt emotion and love. we were in the front row and saw omri really tear up when alison walked down the aisle, and it made us all cry. i haven’t seen omri cry in maybe years, and i was caught off guard by how moved i was by everything. when it was time for us to sing our song, orpah grabbed ophir’s attention and when he turned to face us his face was streaked with tears. my dad cried too. i think we were all just so happy for omri, it was really beautiful. somewhere inside, i felt the long passing of time since we were kids, so much always changing, all of us growing up – and that made it happily bittersweet and poignant.
the reception was a great time, there was a doodler and a photo booth, an ice cream cart and an open bar, and eventually, a dance floor popping off kpop and filipino dance music and pop bangers. we met lots of omri’s friends and it was nice to dip our toes into his life a little bit. at one point on of his friend’s wives told us that when her husband saw all of us siblings, he’d exclaimed to her “wow omri’s family is so hot,” which is always a great ego boost.
my mom started crying during her improvised speech, during which my dad told a hilarious story about how omri was so curious as a child that he kicked the cane out from under a man walking in front of him “just to see what would happen,” and my mom chimed in, “and that man was disabled!” to raucous laughter. it sounds terrible, but they told the story in a really funny way. omri’s best man also cried during his speech, which made all the bridesmaids cry. basically, everyone was crying, and honestly i was so moved to see how loved omri is by his friends and community. i was surprised i found it so reassuring.
my mom said something about how in a marriage, everyone at the wedding is there not only to bear witness, but to also enter into a covenantal agreement to support the happy couple from that day onward, and i know that they have such a strong and wonderful support system around them. i’m so proud of my brother and the life he’s made for himself, one governed by good values, a love for others and a deep devotion to god.
the next day, omri met us at the airbnb and we went for brunch before impulsively meeting up with his new york friends at go place spa for some rest and relaxation. the spa was so luxurious and soothing, such a treat. we spent the day drifting in and out of various saunas lined with various stones supposedly emanating various healing effects. bathing in red light, relaxing in a dark comfort room, sitting around and chatting with his friends, getting to know them better.
it was a great way to end the weekend and cap all the celebrations. and now we’re back in toronto and i’m sitting in a café with my brothers, gathering all my bearings so i can start to pull my life together. i feel like i’m drifting a bit, slightly unmoored while things remain messy and up in the air, but i’m hopeful everything will resolve soon.
everything feels easy here, i look around and people seem relaxed and gentle and relatively content, but i miss london, and i feel like there’s still important work to be done there. it’s funny, i thought that being home would make me want to stay home, where things are simple and familiar and good, but for now, being back makes me feel like my heart is still being called to london, and to the paths that seem to be forming there. i’ve left things unfinished and i would like to see them through.
i leave all of it in the hands of God but also try to bear responsibility. i think i need to sit down and do some work, get things sorted. maybe i can spend this unforeseen downtime resting in prayer and meditation, wrestling with what i want, where i’m meant to be – doing my best to prepare for whatever lies ahead. maybe this unmooring can be a period of formation too.