Category: Uncategorized

• A North American Break.

  I’ve spent the last couple of weeks in New York and Toronto – New York for Dan and Kara’s wedding, and Toronto just to drop by home and see family and friends since it was so close.

  Clark picked me up from JFK and as we were driving along the highway into the city, I felt a steadily rising affection and nostalgia for North America. I love the skyscrapers, I love the grid-laid streets, I love the inexplicable and boundless sense of forward possibility.

  I stayed with Clark (and his girlfriend Rathna, who I happily met for the first time) in Williamsburg, which was super convenient because that’s where the wedding and all the wedding events were happening (a fact I did not realize beforehand). We got pizza the first night and everyone we interacted with was so full of character, personality and energy.

  Williamsburg is a hip and creative part of Brooklyn, and people walked around with a kind of selfless entitlement I find difficult to properly capture in words – kind of like an obvious yet understated confidence that never veered too far into outright cockiness – like everyone knew they deserved to take up space but weren’t rude about it, and understood that everyone else deserved to take up space too.

  I can see myself living in a place like Williamsburg after London, and my stay there has really got me considering it. It was hot the whole time so I almost exclusively wore various tank tops and pairs of shorts, and cute boys would smile at me and nice girls would compliment my outfits. The city felt joyful and alive.

  The wedding itself was beautiful. I was there when Dan and Kara first met, so it was incredibly touching to see how far they’ve come and be part of the beginning of a new stage of their lives. I love love, and the sweltering heat of the day could not take away from the tender beauty of it.

  I unexpectedly got to see a lot of people I didn’t expect to see while I was in the city. It turns out Renee was there for the same weekend, so we went dancing the night I arrived and hung out with a bunch of her friends a bit the next day. I saw Wusky (who I haven’t seen in years) for dinner and got to meet his lovely wife. And my brother was also in town visiting his girlfriend Alison, so they joined me, Clark, Rathna and a couple of our friends at Birds of a Feather for dinner the last night I was there.

  And then I went to Toronto, which will always always always feel like home. I got to see my friends, and hang out with my siblings, and it was nice to spend a bit of the summer there.

  I had ramen with Megan on Wednesday night, met up with Conor, Renee, Joff, Gemma and my sister on Thursday night (and watched Legally Blonde at Corktown Common), hung out with the Meta crew + Bram on Friday night (with a special and coincidental guest appearance by Bre at Petty Cash), went to Bre’s BBQ before going out dancing with Camilla, Conor and Keyana at Beam Me Up on Saturday night, and then had my goodbye/congratulatory dinner with my family on Sunday night.

  I flew back on Monday, walking through a storm to St. Patrick station with all my luggage. The rain poured down harder than I remember it pouring in Toronto and I would later learn that I had walked through the beginnings of a flood.

  Now I’m back in London, wiling away the days until I start my new job. I’m going to make a list of things to do on weekdays that I won’t be able to easily do once I start working. And maybe play a video game or two.

  It’s strange: while I was in Toronto I realized I’ve missed it a lot, but I also feel happy to be back in London. I’ve gotten used to the energy here and my life and routine. And I think once I start my new job, I’ll really start feeling more settled and attached to the city.

  I’m excited to get back to work.

  July 20, 2024

  journal, writing

  ---

• Porto 2024.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  Dreamy, dreamy Porto.

  I took a weekend trip to meet up with Rob and Danielle at the tail end of their vacation through Portugal.

  Robby caught a stomach bug right before I got there, so he was a bit sick the whole time, but he persisted through the days like a trooper.

  We did a day food tour guided by a local woman named Mayumi who had great hair, amazing jewelry, and a robust knowledge of local history and food. I learned a lot of things that I’ll likely soon forget, but here are a few of them:

  • Basically several staples of Portuguese food were developed out of a need for preservation (port wine, salted cod) so things could travel great distances from Portugal to England while there were tensions between England and France
  • The Portuguese have 360 different ways to prepare salted cod.
  • The domed roofs of several buildings were influenced by Arab culture, as were the tiles. The blue and white tiles were also influenced by Manchuria, but I can’t remember how (something about trade).

  Mayumi brought us to a bunch of local spots – a grocer, a canned fish store, a recently revamped famous food market (apparently it had very recently been in a state of complete disrepair), a casual restaurant, and allegedly the best nata shop in town. For food we had cheese with marmalade (the local name for this pair is Romeo and Juliet and it used to be for royalty), some canned sardines (apparently my favourite?) and canned salted cod, a selection of cured meats (some from pigs that only eat acorns to get fatty), more cheeses with a pumpkin jam, a muscle, and then another cod dish involving fries, scrambled eggs, and parsley before finishing off with some cinnamon-sprinkled natas.

  It somehow came up in conversation that Mayumi was a big fan of anime and Miyazaki movies, and she told us that the view of Porto from across the river inspired the landscape of the coastal town where Kiki settles down in Kiki’s Delivery Service.

  In the evening, we went for dinner at a restaurant called Chama with a blind 6-course menu and it was really delicious – probably the best meal I had in the city. Throughout the trip I also finally got to try a francesinha and some grilled octopus.

  The next day we visited the most beautiful bookstore in the world where I learned that The Little Prince is the 3rd most translated book in the whole world, right behind the Bible and the Quran. Naturally, I had to buy an edition specially made for and only available at that bookstore.

  On my way out, a bookstore employee asked if I wanted to have my portrait taken as part of an art exhibit showcasing the diversity of Porto and other European cities. I got Robby and Danielle to do it with me and one by one sat in front of a camera in a van and each had one take for our portrait. They printed out blown-up versions of them and we got to pose with huge copies of our faces. I think I have crazy eyes in my picture, but everyone else seems to think I look handsome and kind.

  In the evening, we walked across the bridge to the south side of the city, and as we were crossing, I looked back at the city and understood how Miyazaki could have been so inspired. The sprawling roofs of houses stacking up along the hills were beautiful and romantic. We had dinner and then watched the sun set into that incredible view.

  It was a lovely trip, though I’m sad Robby’s illness kept us cooped up in the apartment for longer than we would’ve been. At least we got to watch the insane Ashley Madison docuseries on Netflix, and The Talented Mr. Ripley.

  I’ll have to come back to Porto again – to eat more seafood, visit the beach, and experience the nightlife. The wonderful thing about living in Europe is that traveling everywhere is so easy. I traveled with just a backpack for the first time, and I’ve never felt more liberated.

  June 20, 2024

  journal, Photos, Pics, Pictures, Porto, Travel

  ---

• Hamish Donald at The Waiting Room – 6/8/24

  June 10, 2024

  ---

• Our Indie Band Era

  Above: Felix Ross at The Waiting Room – 6/8/24

  –

  About a month ago, Shannon came across a tiktok advertising someone called Felix Ross’s gig at The Waiting Room in Stoke Newington. It was only £10 and close by so we got tickets.

  We went to the show this past Saturday and it was honestly so fun – surprisingly so, and very much worth what we paid and more.

  We saw 3 acts: Hamish Donald (opener – an indie singer with catchy songs), Woon (opener – more of a wild rock band), and Felix Ross (headliner – another indie singer with catchy songs, but also a full band, which sweetly includes his younger brother).

  The venue was small and intimate, with ambient lighting and a small bar at the back of the room. The crowd was younger and seemed much more familiar with the acts, but we were pleasantly surprised by everything we heard, with each act offering something different (mellow, indie tunes; harder, wilder bangers; and then something in between those two things, catchy and upbeat but not screaming and thrashing).

  We swayed and bopped to all the rhythms in the dark light, alternately turning to each other and saying “This is honestly so fun,” and “I can’t believe this was only £10.”

  It was really hot though, so in between Woon and Felix, we stepped outside for some air in the smoking area and ended up talking to Hamish. I told him he did a great job and that he was a talented lyricist, and he seemed to take the compliment sincerely to heart, saying compliments about his lyrics are his favourite.

  I thought it was going to be a short, kind of passing interaction, but he ended up talking to us for a while, telling us about himself and his music, asking us about ourselves and how we knew each other and came to know about the gig.

  The beauty about these smaller, more intimate shows is that there’s such a good chance of being able to interact with the artists, while they’re at a point where they actually enjoy being immersed with their fledgling fans.

  At one point, Felix came down from the stage and played an acoustic song in the middle of crowd and it was really cute. Later he would post a video of that part of the performance commenting that it was really special.

  When it was over, we debated whether or not we should stay and try to hang out with the bands, or immediately go home and watch “Challengers”. We chose the latter (arguably coming to later regret it), stopping by Eden’s Cottage for some chicken wings on the way home.

  Honestly, part of me simply didn’t want to be one in the crowd of several young women, pining away for the attention of these artists who were in all likelihood several years younger than me.

  Nonetheless, Shannon and I decided we should go to more of these shows because they’re so affordable and we had such a great time (she’s been playing Hamish and Felix’s music since), and next time, we’ll stay.

  June 10, 2024

  gig, journal, Video

  ---

• Fish & Chips

  

  

  Last Friday, I had a final round interview for a role that I haven’t heard back from yet, and to celebrate the completion of that as well as the end of the week, I went over to Alex’s for takeout and a movie.

  For dinner, we settled on a British staple – Fish & Chips, which I surprisingly haven’t properly had in London yet, save for once at a pub at King’s Cross, but that wasn’t a proper chippy.

  The joke about England is that all its food is beige, so we opted for mushy peas to brighten everything up (and apparently mushy peas are simply a must). Later, I would talk to my sister about the mushy peas, recalling something I heard Alice (Alex’s flatmate) say about them while we were plating the food.

  Orpah: Aww mushy peas
  Me: I don’t understand them!
  Orpah: It’s just peas turned to mush as per British tradition.
  Me: Apparently it’s made with a specific fat or something.
  Orpah: They’re not made with fat, they’re just mature peas called marrowfat peas 😂
  Me: …
  Me: I need to listen better when people talk.

  We plated all our food and then watched “Alice, Darling” and after that harrowing experience, we decided we needed to watch something nice and uplifting, so we put on “Legally Blonde” (which Alice had never seen before!).

  All in all, it was nice little evening and I left feeling very full and very empowered.

  June 10, 2024

  chat, journal, london

  ---

• 

  Went for a morning stroll around the reservoir and got some breakfast (simple but yummy bacon sandwiches) with Nellie

  I really love the fact that London is so rife with greenspace. Whenever I go for a run, I breathe in the scent of mulch and new life.

  I used to think my favourite colour was red or blue, and maybe that was true for a time, but now, based on all the little things in my room – my bedsheets, my curtains, my pencil case and notebook – I think it’s green; a deep forest green, or sage green – something calming and meditative.

  Nellie and I talked about the complex nuances and dynamics of long friendships – how they’re always full of different needs and wants, how they can be life-giving or sometimes destructive – and the difficulty of navigating these with grace but also self-preservation.

  I’ve been making a solid effort to stay off of social media – specifically trying to avoid short-form content or anything that teaches my brain to only process bits of information at a time, constantly jumping from one thing to the next, desperate for hit after quick hit of stimuli.

  I think my efforts have been having a positive effect already, even though it’s only been a couple of days. What I’ve come to realize is that all those Instagram reels and memes and YouTube shorts have been crowding out my own voice in my head.

  I’m slowly relearning how to dwell on my own thoughts and perspectives, and it’s been interesting to examine what I think about on my own. I’m learning to make quiet a new habit. I’m practicing really listening to myself.

  June 6, 2024

  ---

• Parting Verses

  Right before I moved to England, my family decided to have a small vacation in Montreal and during this goodbye trip, my mom got everyone to give me their favourite Bible verses to guide and comfort me while I’m far from home. It was a nice exercise, and even now, I look back on these verses as a source of strength and light.

  Thought it would be nice to leave them here to look back on:

  Nanay – Micah 6:8
  “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

  Tatay – Proverbs 3:5-6
  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

  Orpah – Romans 8:28
  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

  Othniel – Mark 12:30-31
  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

  Omri – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

  Ophir – Philippians 4:13
  “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

  and the one I offered was Romans 12:2
  “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

  June 5, 2024

  ---

• “On the night before she had left Moscow, when Sofia had expressed her distress at what her father wanted her to do, he had attempted to console her with a notion. He had said that our lives are steered by uncertainties, many of which are disruptive or even daunting; but that if we persevere and remain generous of heart, we may be granted a moment of supreme lucidity – a moment in which all that has happened to us suddenly comes into focus as a necessary course of events, even as we find ourselves on the threshold of a bold new life that we had been meant to lead all along.”

  – A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

  June 3, 2024

  ---

• An excerpt from my journal – 06.03.24 | 9:40PM

  I sometimes fear that I live in a constant present – that I don’t spend enough time remembering things, cherishing memories of loved ones, thinking of my family back home and all the little comforts that come with them. Maybe that’s why I insist so fervently on recording things; I know I’ll need help remembering later.

  I rarely feel homesick, but when I do think of home, I miss the ease of the short walk to my parents’ house – spending most of my Sundays with them and my siblings, going out to eat and then watching movies and shows in the warmth and comfort of the stalwart playroom that cradled my youth.

  I am so different from the young man who grew up there, it’s sometimes difficult to attribute those memories to myself. But memories of home will never feel foreign. I remember sleeping so well in my childhood bedroom, knowing I was always safe and never alone. Here, in this strange city, I often toss and turn. A couple of nights ago I learned the trick of counting sheep actually works.

  –

  What does it mean to truly grow up instead of living the same day endlessly – to enact the lessons I’ve learned over the years and allow wisdom to take root and stretch its strong branches out in all directions until it’s as sturdy and impervious as a thousand-year-old redwood?

  What does it mean to live a sufficiently examined life? I would like to know. I would like to know how much time I need to spend ruminating on things before I’m able to take away the nugget of truth and shed light into dark corners.

  I would like to take each new day as an opportunity to climb closer to the summit of who I’m meant to be. There – in the distant horizon, past the offing – lies the shore of my better self. The sea between is endless and daunting, but I have faith that with each stroke of the oar, I row a little closer. I have faith that it’s enough to simply try to close the gap.

  June 3, 2024

  ---

• 

  Saturday – 06.01.24

  Had dinner at Jai Krishna with Amana and a new friend Annabelle tonight. It was so yummy and very cheap.

  Here’s a list of the things we got:

  Bhel Poori – puffed rice, nut, cucumber, tamarind sauce, coriander.
  Jeera Aloo – “The most popular dish on the menu – caramelized potato cooked with cumin seeds, tomatoes & curry leaves with a touch of lemon and topped with coriander.”
  Paneer Tikka Masala – “Cooked with cream, butter and ghee in a special sauce”
  Mixed Vegetable Curry
  Pilau Rice
  Coconut Rice
  3 pops

  All for £45, so £15 each. It was also BYOB, so Amana and Annabelle split a bottle of prosecco they brought with them.

  I think my favourite dish was a tie between the Paneer Tikka Masala (you can’t really wrong with cheese) and the Mixed Vegetable Curry (a surprising sleeper hit recommended by our server).

  The restaurant was full when we arrived and much emptier by the time we left – after the bottle of prosecco, after chatting about life and boys, after I ordered some gulab jaman to go.

  I’m excited to eat there again.

  June 1, 2024

  ---