above: a stolen shot of kieran.
nights like these are hard to come by for me, and although it wasn’t exactly magical, it was sweet and i’m perfectly happy with that being enough.
however, there were no rose petals on the bed, and even though i didn’t take that part seriously to begin with, i have to admit that there was still that slight glimmer of hope for something so absolutely cheeky/romantic.
then again, to be fair, i completely forgot to bring the candles.
i can’t say i wasn’t nervous at all, because these were sudden, whimsically impulsive plans and we’d only met a couple of times before (both times at beach parties, and even then, for not that long) and i kept getting scared i’d get lost.
one thing about me is i always feel like i annoy people. i don’t exactly know when to stop talking and i always end up feeling like i’m smothering someone. i don’t like calling people because i feel like it’s an imposition on them (oh the burden of having to converse with me), so i was nervous every time i called him to ask for directions, especially because i didn’t actually know him that well.
but i made it eventually, and even on time, and he came down in his socks to greet me. i resisted the urge to hug him on sight because i didn’t exactly know where we stood (hugs can be painfully puzzling things sometimes) but he hugged me soon after that, so it’s okay.
he took me up to his (dad’s) apartment, which i found absolutely gorgeous (it was one of those renovated studio type things, which i adore and eventually want to live in), and we talked and ate and looked up augmented reality (which is fascinating) before settling down on the couch to watch saw.
no contact turned into lying on his chest wrapped in his arms, which is exactly the way i like things to be. there’s a certain comfort in having someone else hold you and in knowing that that someone else doesn’t exactly mind.
the stepford wives (hilarity), came after that, and it was cozy and warm and i love movies for allowing that kind of connection. i mean, really, in what other situation can you excusably make that much contact for that long of a time? there’s just something about watching movies on a couch that demands either holding or being held. without words, you’re forced to use your physicality to express your presence.
i am here, you are here, we are both here together.
and then bed.
his bed was huge, which is good because i could stretch, but it was lonely for the first little bit. he was on one side and i was on the other and i think we might’ve been back to back. i think there was uncertainty there; like, lingering questions (bed etiquette? how far is too far?).
but i don’t like being in big beds alone, and i can’t stop feeling alone until i can feel another person.
so somehow i ended up with his arms around me once again, and there was that comfort and that warmth and i was happy.
i think i really like being held.
he got up early to go wash dishes or something and i got a wake up call soon after that (i think he had family thanksgiving plans and needed to catch a go train).
we left after getting ready and a bit of cleaning up and took a slightly confusing streetcar ride before parting ways with a farewell embrace.
i had a good time
i like movies.
i like him.
good night.