it’s funny how when you look back on certain things, certain memories, certain pieces of a past you sometimes regret, you remember all the things you felt, all the rushes of emotion and the adrenaline and the heat, and you can see how different it is now; how everything has changed.
“i was a fool.”
“it wasn’t worth it.”
“what was i thinking?”
people i used to love (or at least thought i loved, back when i thought i had somehow grasped what love was), i now despise. i think about them and there is a fire where my heart should be; brimstone and sparks and flame flame flame, spreading through my whole body with such an intensity i cease to move.
words for you, my past once loved; i look at your picture and there’s a different kind of heat; for what you robbed from me and how i can never take it back.
but it’s hard to escape the heat of the moment; a brush here and there, a passing glance and a smile; it’s enough to blind you for a while.
enough to make you lose direction; forget where you want go. and then it’s just carpe diem until you know any better.
after all, i’m only young once; i’m allowed to make mistakes.
but then you look back on it and close your eyes and wish to high heaven that you hadn’t been so stupid; that you hadn’t let that kind of dangerous passion take over; that you’d been more level-headed and thought things out.
once upon a time, you forgot about a thing called consequence.
and now you look back – through old photos, old conversations, an email or two, a song you listened to at the time – and all you can do is sigh.