saturday started poorly.
i woke up to the alarm i’d been ignoring for an hour – up until i realized that the awful noise was coming from my phone. this meant i was late for work. i crawled over elaha’s sleeping body, put on the previous night’s outfit and walked home.
i didn’t have time to shower. i just picked up my work clothes and headed to work, forty minutes late. i walked into the store rubbing sleep from my eyes and i’m pretty sure there was still alcohol in my system when i started cleaning the store.
i worked for eight hours, went home and fell asleep, and so i missed both of the birthday dinners i was supposed to attend.
elaha came over later just as i was beginning to wake up from my nap and she brought with her the magic fungi we were supposed to eat last week.
we went to grange park and consumed them. we rode on swings and blasted music, passing the time until we could start feeling the effects. and then we convinced ourselves we had to get our hands on a lemon to intensify the high.
journeyed to a 24 hour metro and by the time we had the lemon in our hands, we were already starting to trip out.
“i don’t know why, but i feel like we need to protect this lemon. like, when we open it, it’s going to be a ball of light.”
a man asked elaha to pick up some changed he dropped on the floor. he showed up later, sniffed her and walked by. we were scared.
i was convinced everyone was out to get us. we thought about going into crews but i looked at her pupils and she looked at mine and we knew it was a bad idea.
i saw a tall round building, one i remembered from a story someone told me a long time ago, and i recounted this tale to elaha.
“look, elaha, see that building over there? do you know why there are railings around the roof? it’s because people kept jumping off. you’d look out the window and there’d just be bodies falling. we should climb up there, right? it’d be way more fun then any of these places, i promise you. and then we can jump off, right? how beautiful would it be to be a part of that story?”
she was scared, so she took me away from the building.
a man named grant started talking to us and we stopped and sat on a rock. i didn’t realize it until elaha mentioned it, but he was flirting with me through her. i was so distracted.
“let’s go back to that building.”
“no.”
she led me to an intersection, a threshold – a divide between darkness and light. we laid down and stared at trees – at the way the leaves were pulsating – breathing – and we found a fire hydrant that we dubbed the safest spot in all of toronto.
people kept passing by and i kept wondering how silly i looked – what kind of idiot did they think i am?
a fire truck drove by, and the wind was blowing and i was sitting on a railing staring at a clock that was shimmering in the night. i turned and everything turned with me and all my senses were so receptive and i just felt so alive and connected to everything that existed.
we were stuck in a realm of forever.
and that fucking clock. at first i hated it but then i began to understand, and i embraced it for what it was, shimmering in the darkness like that – so high above everything else. and then it started to melt and its lights went off and the next time i looked up i saw a skull – and she saw it too.
a messenger of death.
we walked away and into a mcdonalds to get water.
no more realm of forever.
but it was too bright and too loud and too disorienting and so we stood quietly staring at everyone and everything, and i wondered how everyone could handle it – all the lights and the sounds, the drunk screaming and the laughter and the throbbing vibrance of the beating night.
we got water and we sat down. i started getting intense rushes of empathy. i saw homeless people and i felt like crying. i remembered missing the birthday dinners and i felt guilty. i realized i’d forgotten my journal at home, and then i actually almost cried.
we left and went to frans to get some sweet potato fries.
it was starting to wear off.
no more fun guy.
we were both calm – and happy.
and then we went to elaha’s house and went to sleep.
i don’t think i’ve ever felt so alive.
i tried to document everything, but i didn’t do a very good job.
we decided the next time we took shrooms, it would be at the beach.