above: the cast of little shop. i was unfortunately left out of the photo because i was getting miced as it was being taken, and ms. b couldn’t wait two seconds.
it’s kind of strange to think that the last musical of my high school career has come and gone – and what an amazing run it was.
there was something bittersweet in the air backstage as i stood and looked up at the ceiling of the wing – at the high curtains that drew the line between me and my final audience. i teared up when i realized it would be the last time i would see that view as a performer, and i remembered all the times i had stood in the wings before.
and before i knew it, the show was over and i was standing before the applause for the last time.
months and months of hard work amounted to a wonderful span of three nights. people got weepy during the closing ceremonies and at the time, i thought that would be the last of the tears for the night.
i was wrong.
we cabbed over to ricci’s for the cast party and things were pretty good for the first bit. baylie had been a gem and had gotten me a micky’s of bacardi gold, special order, and it didn’t take long before i could feel the usual rush.
i was lured into dancing by the beat of the music and at one point, everybody was dancing and singing along – loudly, loudly – and i was laughing with the euphoria that came with free movement, with the joy that came from a heart pumping singing blood.
but almost instantaneously, things started getting really bizarre, and petty drama reared its ugly head.
i did something pretty bad, which led to something kind of worse – although it’s all a matter of perspective – and the fates seemed to be playing a game with everyone that night, so the party ended with tears and anger and in some cases, fragility.
AND ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS DANCE.
andrea was pretty gone so i went to her apartment with a few friends and stayed the night, although we talked up a storm for most of it. debriefing on a bathroom floor has never been so fun. and the next day we got some pretty good grub at some mexican place and relaxed for a good long while.
i found the micky’s of bacardi hidden in my coat pocket as we went into starbucks. someone had drank most of it and there were only a couple of shots left.
the closing of the musical’s brought me a sense of finality – of the unrelenting end that awaits and the breathless excitement of new beginnings that lay at the end of the next three months. i was walking along avenue road today and felt a sense of liberation i haven’t felt in a while, and i felt nostalgic for the nights last year when i would just wander and breathe and see life going on and on and on.
i looked out to the horizon marked with high-reaching buildings and remembered how small i am – how infinitesimal – in the grander scheme of things, and how the world is filled with an overwhelming beauty that we live moment by moment trying to grasp.
the musical has been filled with moments of beauty.
and i smile knowing there are still so many more to come.