there is a tension here i cannot cure. almost tangible and absolutely frightening.

don’t you know how scared i am? of the future? of the present? of the here and now and the glances in my direction that tell me i’m a lost cause?

i’m sorry i drifted. and i’m sorry i can hurt you from miles and miles away and i know you don’t deserve this. and i’m sorry i’m too stubborn, too proud to say this to your face, because i love you even if sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. i love all of you and i don’t know what to do.

is it too late to fix things?
will summer air clear our lungs?

i am unforgivable, and the greatest tragedy is that there is no turning back. trust and hearts are broken now, and tonight, i stare at blank pages and see things that are supposed to be written, but never will be. and even when you tell me it’s okay, and all is forgiven, i know they’re not. scars like this don’t heal so easy. sometimes they don’t heal at all.

there is a disconnect between us now. i am tentative to speak and i am bound in my own household.

tell me, where did i go wrong?

when i tried to cease the day?
when i started grasping at smoke?

my existence is a selfish one.

carpe diem, carpe omnious.

 cease the day, take it all.