above: me and yodit on the patio at crews.
the manager and elizabeth let me in tonight, so they’ve either forgiven me for my previous display of heinous insolence or forgotten me completely, and i’m perfectly fine either way.
i wasn’t even planning on going out tonight, but i received a summons from elaha and yodit, which interrupted my plans of watching multiple episodes of ‘the vampire diaries’ (NINA DOBREV, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND) and reading.
i met them in the bar, we danced a bit, went out to the patio to take a break and then danced some more.
i bumped into jonathan truong, which was nice, and just a point of clarification, I HONESTLY WASN’T DRUNK, no matter how much he accused me of being so.
elaha and yodit didn’t do much to defend my sobriety; in fact, they fully supported jonathan in his accusations.
i can handle more than one drink, thank you.
being out tonight made me realize that i’m changing again. i move through cycles and i’m entering a phase where i don’t really want to go out. the music and the flashing lights and the crowds and crowds of bodies pressed against each other to form one big, sweaty mess are starting to lose their appeal.
i’m getting tired.
i just want to spend time at home, lay in bed with a book, drink coffee and immerse myself in movies or trashy teen television.
i’m entering a phase of coziness, and of quiet nights.
and the time for the loud nights will approach again, and instead of with languor i will once again dance with enthusiasm, with the energy of a good – loud – beat coursing through my system.
but for now i want to rest and do things with friends that don’t involve getting drunk.
i think i’m searching for something to remind myself that i need more than a drunken night to be wholly satisfied.
i just want to be happy, and for now, happiness does not come in the form of a dance floor full of strangers.
maybe that’s just it.
maybe i’m just tired of the shallow nature of random hookups.
maybe i’m looking for something more.
don’t get me wrong, i still love dancing and going out and all that. it’s just that i’m starting to appreciate the quiet nights too. i used to get restless at home so easily, but i’m shaking that restlessness off. and i’m starting to feel like there’s something more that’s just out there and waiting. something better.
getting drunk and going out doesn’t have to be the highlight of my week.