and at once i knew/
– i was not magnificent.
i am not good enough to keep everyone.
i’ll lose a few here and there, from time to time.
there will be distance, and heartbreak and tears and tender goodbyes whispered to silent nights.
but if you lose me, you’ll never get me back.
if i feel you’ve deeply wronged me, you will not have a chance to redeem yourself.
if you walk away, you cannot just come waltzing through my door – i will not welcome you with open arms and an open heart. i will not trust you a second time.
unless – of course – i love you, because love is beyond all justice – it transcends what is right and what is wrong and it just lies there, waiting in our hearts, ready to pour out to those who might not deserve it.
love is cruel like that, but also beautiful.
i do not love easily,
but when i do, it’s unshakable.
being sick has given me a lot of time to myself.
a lot of time to think of home – of all those i left behind, but who are still strangely with me – of the ones who really care.
of the ones who love me.
and i miss them.
they are the ones i’ll never lose.
maybe i can find a few to love here
and maybe they will love me in return.