so apparently the new year came with a new wave of insecurity that violently – relentlessly – thundered over and hit the rocky shore of my jagged psyche.
as i looked at little photos of people with different – not necessarily better – bodies, and at little snapshots of people who had found significant others, i started wondering why i wasn’t like them.
and i kept thinking about how with this new year came a new opportunity to improve what i’ve always resented in myself.
maybe, with enough effort, i could attain my dream bod, and have another heart to call my own. after all, how can anyone love me with the body i have now?
but then i remembered that i’m perfectly happy with who and what i am – and that other people shouldn’t define me, or the standards by which i live my life. i am myself, and that is enough to be happy.
and really, i’m not jealous of the people who already have other arms to hold them tight. i know that somewhere out there awaits a pair of arms just perfectly right for me – and these perfect arms will coil perfectly around my damn fine body and i will feel perfectly shaped to be held.
i mean, there are still a few things i have to work on, but i will work on them not because it’s a new year, but because it’s always good to grow and to improve.
you don’t have to wait for the page of a calendar to flip over to start trying to make your life a little bit better.
and life will get better, if you don’t lose faith.
i am happy with who i am, but at the same time, i know there is still so much to do and see and learn.
i am happy with who i am, knowing i am still growing and changing and evolving in beautiful, shimmering ways.
i will be better solely for myself, and not for anyone else. i will not try to one up everyone around me. i am my only competition.
i think that’s one of the problems we face today – we compare ourselves to other people with too much ferocity and lose sight of our own merits and value in the process.
we see everything everyone else has, and look in the mirror to find a reflection that’s not just different, but also lacking.
i like to think i know my own worth.
and so i realized that deep down, no – i am not insecure about my body at all.
my body is made for love.