above: from left to right; elaha, me, yodit.
these two have been at my arms for years and years – since they were in fourth grade and i was in fifth.
they have known me through so many stages of my life.
they are family.
when i heard that they were coming to visit this weekend, i felt a few weights lift from my heart.
these girls keep me grounded – they bring with them all the comforts of home and remind me of my roots.
i remember who i am with them.
and with them, i am free to be totally and completely myself.
i don’t have to hold myself back, or tone myself down, or make myself more – with them, i don’t feel as though i’m making any sort of impression.
they do not judge me the way i think others do.
they know me.
they know all of my quirks and merits and flaws.
they know of my incredible vanity and of my darkest insecurities.
and i know that they love me, and will continue to love me through everything.
we drank a lot this weekend.
we laughed and we danced and we explored.
and we fought and we worried and we sometimes got annoyed.
and after all of it, i know they’re still there.
my favourite moments of the trip, before any of the drinking or partying or going out, were moments of just lying on my bed, playing music at full blast, and just having them there beside me.
yodit might’ve been playing her strange doodle game, and elaha might’ve been surfing the web, but they were there and it wouldn’t be long until one of us started dancing and we were all writhing on the bed – arms waving, laughing at how ridiculous each of us looked, caught in a moment of child-like insouciance with not a single worry in the world.
they’re gone now, but i’ll keep the gift they brought me close to my heart so that my blood may pump and be enriched in it and run through my veins to spread the light.
they reminded me of how happy i can be.
they are two constants that let me know that after everything is said and done, it’ll all be alright.
all of my petty problems disappeared with their arrival because they came from a world where none of them really mattered.
my strange loneliness became irrelevant – it dematerialized – because they were there to love me –
because i know that i am important to them while they are important to me.
i don’t think anyone will ever really be able to understand the bond we share.
we may be going our separate ways – living out completely separate lives in worlds that are so far apart – but somehow we manage to stay together.
and even after months of not seeing each other, we can talk as if we’d never been apart.
there is a sense of comfort and relief in knowing that two of my pillars will always be standing.
and things are really looking up.
the weather’s getting so nice, my soulsister’s returned to me and two of my closest friends have managed to patch me up again.
right now, i’m really, really happy.
i feel wonderfully light and strangely invincible.
thank the good Lord –
i’d forgotten what this felt like for a while.