above: me and yodit unable to bear the strain of everything we were seeing.
OPEN YOUR EYES.
go to a grocery store to find a few lemons. you need to intensify the experience. eat one on the way home, turning around every so often to catch a glimpse of weak fireworks a family must being pouring into the night sky early.
describe them as pussy – lame, unimpressive displays of mock grandeur.
the only thing big about them is the sound – the CRACKLE and the BOOM – and after a while, you don’t even bother to turn around.
get back to the house. start to feel the effects. does everyone else feel them too, or is it just you? do they see what you see when you stare at the window sill – at the little decorative tableau someone’s carefully set up there?
go down with camille to visit the children, deliver them chicken wings. lay down on the bed and wonder if they notice how dilated your pupils are and how you can’t stop laughing, try as you might.
hush hush, keep quiet – it’s supposed to be a secret.
crawl up the stairs because you’ve forgotten how to walk.
back in the kitchen there are patterns on the ceiling – squares of light that appear and disappear and appear again. camille is on the floor. elaha is staring into space. yodit is drawing strange and eerie faces. everyone is shimmering with a wonderful little haze.
pick up a couple of knives – scare them a little bit because you know you can.
go into the sun room.
there are spirits in the table and they’re trying to get out. everyone can see them. so many screaming faces – so much yearning and so much despair. the varnish on the table feels so good to the skin. take off your shirt. lie down.
there are too many mirrors in this room – so many faces staring back at you.
wonder about your own vulnerability. think about how the sensation of touch feels so good and you’d take it from anyone.
scare yourself.
play the piano. the music is so much richer – there is so much more cadence in the melodies you string together. the keys all blur together but you know what you’re doing. every note you hit reverberates through the room and comes back at you full force – a rush of emotion. everything is so much more powerful now.
a sudden burst of energy. run around the house. do it again.
escape.
the trees are so inviting. lie down. stare at the night sky.
go back inside.
so much more has happened, but it’s starting to wear off.
make some chicken wings.
eat them.
go to sleep.
wake up and go to work.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.