above: the sister and i straight chillin at my cousins house in oro vista.
i’ve slowly come to the lightening realization that a part of me really doesn’t want to go back to montreal.
all that waits for me there are problems that need fixing – i need to get a mattress (and furnish my entire room), i need to figure out what to take as a major (and maybe switch all my classes), i need to find a job (and potentially learn french to do so), i need to resolve an awkward missing bedding situation (i’ve been put in a difficult position), etc etc etc.
and i’m probably going to do some binge drinking on the side because, well, that’s the world of higher education in montreal.
the list of things to do just never ends.
this last month of summer vacation has been exhausting.
i’m not ready to just jump right back into school – back into the world of endless imperatives.
i need a break.
a part of me just wants to stay here, playing with little cousins and big waves, carving my name into the white sand on the shore of a beach, leafing through a book i’ve been dying to read, climbing a spiral staircase to sleep in a room that isn’t mine.
everything is laid out for me here – i just have to go where i’m told.
my biggest concern right now is sometimes i can’t find my hair wax.
and here is where the inner conflict lies.
i’m excited to see all my friends again, but i really don’t want to have to face everything else.
i want to be able to keep reading what i want.