in the last half hour i’ve realized i’m not happy.
and i’ve been doing all of these things to distract me from the fact that i’m not happy.
and i’m probably not going to be happy for a long time.
it’s actually quite sad.
so now i’m sad.
Month: March 2013
-
-
something set me off last night
and it was unfortunate because i bought that stupid ticket
and my friends were in town
and we were all dressed cute
and everyone was there
and i’d been feeling really good
but something set me off last night, and even though i don’t really know what it was, there’s this bitter taste in my mouth and i don’t like it.
i do not like it one tiny bit.
there’s a party tonight and i kind of wish i could just sit at home and wait it out.
i don’t feel like seeing people today.
but if i i’m going to, i’m going to do it with a fucking smile on my face.
-
i am, and will always be, less important than everyone else.
-
well.
it’s safe to say that i probably hate everyone.
and by everyone i mean everyone.
nobody bother me tomorrow because i swear to God i can hold a grudge.
-
someone threw up on the back of my jeans tonight and it was gross.
my friends didn’t shun me.
thanks, friends!!
-
got a couple of friends with a couple of boys
a lack of a blanket
and a startling want for a cup of cold coffee
a notebook
and a pen.
this song takes me back to another continent, and all of a sudden i miss everyone.
or maybe i miss a different time.
-
above: elaha and yodit with a few of da boiz.
the collision of two worlds can either end in dust and rubble, or in the creation of a new and different world.
thankfully, ma boiz are incredibly accomadating and the dynamics are playing out nicely.
the trip started with tears, a kind of tentative apprehension and a little bit of worry, but i think we’re past all of that and i love having them here so life is sunshine and lollipops.
however, the social week ahead is busy and i find myself having to time my academic life around it.
this means working in the early morning and into the afternoon so that the nights can be free to laugh and drink away.
i’ve listened to 3 of the 7 lectures i need to listen to before i begin writing my ecological anthropology midterm.
i’d say i’m off to a pretty good start.
-
me: he has a nice body. i think it’s a mix of genetics and being a swimmer.
yodit: wooooow good call good call
elaha: so it’s not magic dust?
-
you cannot possibly understand how happy i was to finally eat at arisu again.
and then we found a used copy of ‘the history of love’ for $6.99 after looking in three different bookstores.
and my family had a great dinner and watched a mediocre movie for my dad’s 50th birthday!
all in all it was a good day.
-
sleepover!
above: aaron, me and elaha being cutie patooties. elaha and i have decided we want aaron to be our new BFFL.
so we ended up just drinking in aaron’s residence last night and it was surprisingly fun.
we stopped by shopper’s drug mart on our way over to pick up snacks (ms. vickie’s and some white chedder kettle cooked popcorn + coca cola for chase [so over the ‘chugging straight vodka’ thing]). aaron called us and told us we needed some form of id so he could sign us into his res (a hotel-turned-residence kind of like my old res) and of course elaha had neglected to bring any form of id.
“you know you should always bring your health card around, just, like, for safety reasons and stuff. like if you sudddenly died or something.”
“WELL I DON’T PLAN ON DYING TONIGHT OKAY GOD.”we decided to wing it so we just showed up anyway and aaron made something up about elaha being his cousin and blah blah blah and the manager of the hotel looked worried and indecisive but he eventually let us pile into the elevator and make our way to aaron’s suite.
1 mickey of smirnoff
½ 26 of bacardi gold
the smallest bottle of fireball whiskey i’ve ever seen
250 ml of coca cola
1 bag of sea salt and vinegar ms. vickie’s chips
1 bag of white cheddar cheese kettle cooked popcornthose were the ingredients of the night.
revealing and candid discussions combined with the steady intoxication of casual drinks is always a recipe for good times.
we talked and we drank and we laughed – there were handstands and spills and a lack of clean cups.
topics of discussions included: aaron’s numerous little infatuations/intimate experiences, the complications of elaha’s lovelife, roommate hatred, etc etc etc.
and then it was time for bed and there was cuddling and other things – and a little bit of carpet burn – and it was incredibly strange, but weirdly cute i guess.
we woke up today and spent the morning lying around all groggy and lighthearted.
aaron had to leave for school at 1:30pm, so elaha and i finally went to our favourite restaurant, which is a magical land of perfection and hapiness and dreams – where you are served at the push of a button and everyone is courteous and kind – where you get more food than you would ever need for prices that are just divine.
arisu – land of magic.
and then we went hunting for ‘the history of love’, which i’ve been meaning to read for a while.
by the end of the bookhunt we were in the best of moods.
it’s really nice to be perfectly content.
-
home sweet home.
above: who needs vodka when you can have blankets?
after long stretches of absence, coming home is always a beautiful thing.
the bus ride wasn’t bad at all. i had two seats to myself for the majority of the trip so i was able to lie down and sleep for most of it.
i walked home from the bus station, bags in tow, and i took in all the familiar (and some not so familiar) sights and sounds of dundas street at midnight.
met up with courtney on saturday night to catch up over drinks. we sat by the windows at the front of the bar and it was kind of chilly so the waitress gave us a couple of the grey goose blankets that they apparently just have around for patrons. they were maybe the coziest things i’ve ever felt.
“it’s your lucky day guys – they’ve just been dry cleaned.”
i ordered one of their martinis – “the college street car” – and she lit it on fire, which was pretty cool.
courtney and i had some good chats, and the drinks were weirdly strong so i was feeling the buzz in no time at all.
nellie arrived just as courtney had to leave for work, and we stayed in the bar and ordered a couple more drinks before heading off to crews and tango.
the drag queens were really good that night, and the dancing was wonderful. we made a ton of friends on the patio and some guy named ramsi started following us around.
he kept talking about how nice it was of us to let him tag along and kept telling me to tell him if he ever got annoying and i just kept thinking ‘it’s whatever, please calm down.’
nellie left after a while and it was just me and ramsi, so he bought me a drink and we went to dance in the dark room.
we started dancing with a group of really fun girls and then i made eye contact with this man (ginger, british i eventually found out) and he started laughing.
“what are you laughing at?”
and then his arms were around my waist and my arms were around his neck and we both started laughing and he lifted me up so my legs were around his waist and we started making out.
but then i realized the entire situation was just a tad ridiculous, so i made him let me go and resumed dancing with ramsi and the fun girls.
eventually i told ramsi i wanted to go home, and so i left and got some pizza before walking over to my house. i think he wanted to take me home. he kept asking where i lived and if i was single and i kept obviously brushing him off.
elaha came over the next day.
she’s been going through some emotional turmoil recently so we talked about feelings and life and love and there were tears and confusion and it was all out of the pages of a storybook.
she slept over and the next day we went to work and then went to her place to cook a midnight feast, sing rihanna and have more lyfchatz and luvtym.
today is a rest day.
i’ve been sitting at home playing tomb raider, ignoring all of the scholwork i should be paying attention to, eating incessantly and generally mellowing out.
the plan for tonight is to either watch warm bodies (cheap movie tuesday yay) or get drunk at my friend’s residence.
either way, it’s going to be fun.
-
tick-tick-boom.
-
what?
what am i doing?
this completely isn’t me.
why am i doing this to myself?
because i don’t feel worth a damn?
not enough.
-
oh.
everyone is so funny.
i made noodles and they were supremely delicious.
everyone was high and it was kind of weird but i guess they were happy.
i can’t wait until i get back to toronto.
back to where i belong.