I AM LISTENING TO STREET SONG AND BURSTING WITH JOY AND I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT IT FEELS GREAT AND I AM GOING TO GO ON A REALLY LONG WALK AND ENJOY THE WEATHER AND MAYBE TALK TO A FEW STRANGERS.
Month: March 2013
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the up and up.
tonight i broke things off (for good) with a man who said he loved me.
he asked me when he’d see me next.
i told him i was busy with finals.
he said he got the message, that i was more to him than i’d ever know, and wished me good luck.it left me feeling kind of down – kind of like i hurt someone and maybe i should take it all back – but in my heart of hearts, i knew that what is hard may also be necessary.
now he’s just texted me saying he knows i’m special and that he knows how important it is to keep people like me in his life, and that he’s happy he got the chance to try.
“i’m not going to bother you anymore. hopefully one day i’ll receive a call from you. i’ll be ready.”
and he’s right. it’s all too important to keep people in your life, but it’s just as important to let them go.
i know i’m only 20, but i’ve learned enough over the years to understand that you need to let go of the people who hold you back or drag you down.
sometimes someone might get hurt, but eventually we all find our way.
i’m still growing – searching, yearning, feeling, wanting, grasping, hoping, shining, bursting –
i’m on the up and up, and i’ll be damned if i let anyone get in the way.
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on respect.
how much am i supposed to tolerate just because you’re my friend?
at what point am i supposed to draw the line?
all i know is when someone looks at me with a kind of stinging pity in their eyes – with a kind of ‘why do you let them treat you this way’ look – i feel ever so slightly humiliated.
and maybe i shouldn’t.
maybe i’m just being sensitive (again).
but i don’t let other people talk to me the way you talk to me, and i know it’s all just fun and games and it’s just how you communicate and i should take it with a grain of salt –
but it’s that look.
i don’t like it.
not one bit.
all i know is how i feel, and i’ve always gone with my gut.
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a good spot.
1. i’ve cleaned my room and organized my closet
2. i’ve started meditating again
3. i’m catching up on my schoolwork and keeping myself motivated
4. i have enough time for leisure reading
5. i write in my journal
all of this leads to me being in a really good spot.
i mean, sure there are some relationships i need to navigate and work on, but in terms of myself, i’m feeling pretty good.
i just wish we could all be happy and live in a world of sunshine and gumdrops (and nice clothes and beachside villas and gourmet food and maybe time machines because why not).
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“You think relationships are difficult? Try friendships. Try courting someone in order to convince them to join you in some nameless, shapeless Platonic complication — forever. Convince an adult stranger that you are worth a healthy slice of their limited time and energy without the prize of sex or romance.”
— Laura Jayne Ma
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a kiss on each cheek and a peck on the lips.
that’s how it’s done.
a little romance, a little tenderness – i just wish someone i was actually interested in would show me a little bit of both.
so many prospects on the horizon
and at the same time, none at all.
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The Celtic Tree Zodiac is based on the ancient idea that the time of our births is pivotal to the formation of our personality and behavior. The spiritually savvy Celts, particularly the druids were expert observers. Over time, they recognized that a child born within a certain season would develop certain qualities. Further, the druids observed patterns in the color and shape of a persons life according to the motions of the moon (their calendar being based on a lunar year being 13 months) and the season in which we are born. Below is listed the Tree characteristics of each Tree.
Birch – The Achiever
December 24 – January 20
If you were born under the energy of the Birch you can be highly driven, and often motivate others as they become easily caught in your zeal, drive and ambition. You are always reaching for more, seeking better horizons and obtaining higher aspirations. The Druids attributed this to your time of birth, which is a time of year shrouded by darkness, so consequently you are always stretching out to find the light. Birch signs (just like the tree) are tolerant, tough, and resilient. You are cool-headed and are natural-born rulers, often taking command when a situation calls for leadership. When in touch with your softer side, you also bring beauty in otherwise barren spaces, brightening up a room with your guile, and charming crowds with your quick wit. In Celtic tree astrology Birch signs are compatible with Vine signs and Willow signs.
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just something everyone should know.
1. i do not tolerate lies.
if i discover you’ve seriously been lying to me, i will not trust you ever again – even if it seems like i do.
2. i do not like feeling manipulated.
i’ve cut people out of my life before and i will not hesitate to do it again.
all of a sudden.
just like that.
(drunk tongue, sober heart)
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wow.
reading about the steubenville rape case was probably a bad start to an otherwise fine day.
the deification of football players in small towns is ridiculous and pathetic.
it’s one thing to be proud of your athletes and another to look the other way when they sexually assault unconscious girls and post it on the internet.
how does this still happen?
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st. paddy’s weekend was just one big time.
one big blurry toxic time.
had a total blast at the boys’ preparty bbq on saturday.
robby spilled on his shirt and i remember wiping it off while frantically yelling “IT IS 6 PM. IT IS ONLY 6 PM.”
i only wish i could remember the actual party.
“i had fun even though there were only like 20 people there.”
“what are you talking about, obed? it was packed.”apparently i was giving out lap dances and flirting with multiple people at once (surprise) and at one point i was shirtless in jared’s room for reasons i cannot recall (and i am only aware of this because of photographic evidence).
i went to a kegger the next day and did a kegstand for the first time. i remember somebody kept saying “you’re up next obed” and i didn’t really know what was happening until i was upside down with a spout in my mouth.
i’ve got to say, it seems a lot scarier than it actually is.
by the time sunday night was over, i’d been drunk for more than 24 hours.
there were mysterious bruises on the weirdest parts of my body and i couldn’t stop shaking. also, my left nipple’s really sore.
kind of scary, but whatever.
i slept it all off and now i’m awake.
elaha and yodit left yesterday and i already miss them. i am currently watching revenge to distract me from the fact that they are not here. who else is going to keep me company in the wee hours of the night, diligently reading one direction fanfiction while i try to do schoolwork or watch trash tv?
i don’t think i’ll be drinking for a while.
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k what.
ugh what am i doing.
this whole wallowing thing is ridiculous.
i’m perfectly fine and perfectly happy and i have great friends who i love and adore.
i guess it was just another mood and obviously watching vampire diaries was the cure to getting over it.
i’ve had like two epiphanies in the past hour.
WHAT A PRODUCTIVE SATURDAY.
