i did acid for the first time last saturday afternoon and painted this self-portrait.

i’d done shrooms with the boys the previous night and kind of lost myself again, which was a shame. i wanted to stay grounded, and to connect with them and to share in that experience, but i guess there’s always next time.

maybe doing acid was my way of trying to find myself again – to reground myself.

i’ve been lacking clarity and feeling kind of murky recently. it’s been hard to see myself as beautiful.

learning how to love yourself is one of the hardest things to do, and although i think i do a pretty good job of it most of the time, i occasionally falter.

i’m tired of winter.

i want warmth and beauty and life.

i want to feel alive again – i want to feel beautiful and capable of wonderful things.

maybe i should stop taking naps and start doing schoolwork – at least then i’d feel like i’m accomplishing something.

i should also probably start going to the gym again.

three cheers for endorphins.