dirty little whirlwind, i'm pinned to the heart of your swirl.
DISCLAIMER: this is a personal blog (i just want to write about my life 😭) and does not necessarily reflect the views, opinions or perspectives of my employer or church.
Friendship is not background noise to your love life!!!! Friends are not secondary characters in your romance plot!!!!
Fall in love with your friends! Treat them well! Treasure your friendships!
i know people who will find significant others and subsequently relatively abandon all of their other relationships and that is so strange to me.
look everyone, I’m finally going to graduate (if i pay my obscene library fine on time)!!
snapchat didn’t save the heart and graduation cap i added so now the video is infinitely less fun, but here’s a screenshot of what it was supposed to look like:
look everyone, I’m finally going to graduate (if i pay my obscene library fine on time)!!
snapchat didn’t save the heart and graduation cap i added so now the video is infinitely less fun, but here’s a screenshot of what it was supposed to look like:
)
above: me and chris in a post-madeon cab heading to fattal.
chris and i went to see madeon at new city gas on saturday night. he’d apparently bought VIP tickets, so we got to skip the line, but i still think their dress code is absurd.
it was his first time there and we spent the first bit of it exploring the space, which was pretty, and then we went to the VIP section and sat down for a bit. nobody was really dancing to the opener, but i started getting my vibe on with a little bit of help.
we danced for a bit in the crowd during madeon, but it was ridiculously hot and sweaty and we could barely move at all, so we went back to the VIP section where we could see everything and still have to freedom to dance however we wanted.
the concert itself was so-so – i didn’t really know the music, so i didn’t experience the euphoria of hearing all of my favourite songs – but i was with chris, and we had fun. i bumped into a bunch of different groups of friends in the crowds and everybody seemed to be having a good time.
when the concert ended, we went outside and walked a little bit before taking a break on the sidewalk. we just sat there, leaning against each other and exchanging warm words and sighs, and i think i might’ve liked that better than the actual concert.
then we got a cab and headed over to fattal for some 24 hour techno show or something, and we saw some friends and danced a little.
we watched the sky get lighter and every once in a while we would leave and go for a walk through the scenic streets. it was actually kind of a pretty part of town, and everything was still sleeping and quiet and peaceful. we held hands in the early morning and soaked it all in, and these serene walks were a welcome contrast to the blaring music in the little room we’d wander away from and always come back to.
at one point, we climbed over a fence and explored the outside of an abandoned factory or something. we couldn’t find a way inside, but it was probably haunted or something anyway, so maybe that was for the best. still, it looked pretty cool.
meg invited us over to her place at around 7am. she lives right next to fattal, barely far enough away to shed the music, but her apartment was really cute and peaceful. we all chatted for a bit and i got to pet some cats. i hadn’t seen her for a while, so that was nice.
after about an hour or so we made the short walk back to fattal for just enough time to say goodbyes, and then we took the metro back to chris’s place and went to sleep.
all in all, it was a fun night (and morning) – the last opportunity for chris and me to go out together for a while. he left for new brunswick this morning and i’m heading to toronto on thursday so we probably won’t see each other for a really long time.
i’m happy i got to hold his hand and go on those last few walks with him before i head home. we’ve had a pretty wonderful last few weeks together, and though they might’ve been confusing and strange and maybe even a little reckless, they’ve also been happy and full of love, and in the end isn’t that enough?
the future is always so murky and bright – so full of threat and promise and danger and hope – all at the same time.
Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window.
Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behaviour and information processing. They open you up to the possibility that everything you know is wrong.
Terence Mckenna (via machineelves)
open your mind!! expand your horizons!! dissolve and reform. die and then live.
yaaaaasssss werk it slay for the gawds go awf!!!
this is a few hours late, but happy mother’s day to the radiant matriarch of my family, still lookin fresh af.
your boundless love for your children is unmatched, and we all know it and love you back.
your intelligence, beauty, grace, strength, devotion, faith and endless love have been a constant source of inspiration to me to be the best that i can be, and all of my best qualities are rooted in you.
thank you for doing such an extraordinary job raising all of us – for having faith in us, and trusting us to make our own decisions and our own mistakes. because of you, we are beautiful and strong. we have learned everything that matters from our parents, and we are nothing without you.
and thank you for keeping a household so full of unconditional, unwavering love. we are truly blessed to have you for a mother and because of you, when i am feeling at my worst, my family is a shining light in the darkness.
long live the cundangan wolf pack.
It’s amazing how men will make fun of teenage girls for being vapid, immature, loud, annoying, etc but when he’s sexually attracted to a teenage girl suddenly she’s this crafty seductress who has purposely constructed her entire outfit and mannerisms with the mature intent to illicit a sexual response from him
oh the patriarchy
i realize that it’s been a while since i’ve actually written about what’s been going on in my life or how i’ve been feeling. i attached the above photo (noemie, luke, joffjoff and me at korova) just to prove that i’m actually doing things and i actually have friends. i was trying to figure out why i never write anymore, and i came up with a few reasons:
1. i’m so effing lazy (a recurring theme in my life)
2. i’ve somehow come to feel like i should only write about really big, out of the ordinary things, because if i wrote about every little thing i do, i’d be writing forever.
3. i’ve been pretty emotionally steady, so no really bad lows to inspire any dark laments or any burning rants or anything.
4. i stopped writing when i didn’t really have the time and catching up on all the things i want to write about just seemed super daunting and stressful.
5. i generally just don’t know what to write about.
but i know that one of my favourite late night hobbies is going through my old blogposts and reliving and (refeeling) all these recorded moments in my life – the little joys, flashes of pain, snippets of things i would’ve otherwise completely forgotten – so i want to start writing again. i’m going to try to post something every day – if anything, it’s good practice. i feel like i need to stretch my writing muscles anyway.
here are some things i’ve been up to over the last few weeks just off the top of my head:
1. i finished my last semester at McGill, and it’s finally getting summery hot. everything is bright and wonderful and the city is coming to life. i don’t really feel like i’ve stepped into the next phase of my life yet though. maybe i’m afraid of having to say this huge goodbye.
2. i saw sufjan stevens in concert with laura. his music is so beautiful, and i didn’t take any photos because i didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere. there was something very solemn about the experience, even though the person in front of us was live-instagraming the entire concert and image googling sufjan stevens.
3. i went up the mountain with luke and we chatted over beers and sun chips (and apples that we never got to eating). it was super cute. we haven’t really been spending much one on one time together, and i guess i kind of missed that, so it was nice that we were able to do that before i leave forever.
4. i went to stereo with chris and katie after a house party and it was super fun. i got to have one last stereo night with chris and we sat on the speakers for a bit and it was nice. we ended up crashing at ally’s place early in the morning, and it was super cute.
5. i went to tamtams with a few friends and later that night joffjoff, noemie, luke and i went up the mountain to beaver lake and just sat in the grass and ate crackers and marshmallows and chocolate (we were going to make smores but we couldn’t find a fire pit by the lake). we talked about the stars and looked up at the night sky (“obed that’s jupiter” “as if, shut up”) and it was cozy, and then we went to resevoir for a bit.
6. luke, joffjoff, noemie and i rolled at our last korova monday. luke went crazy and passed out on noemie in a park for like an hour. i’m not really sure about the chronology of the events that happened that night, but we all ended up sleeping at joffjoff’s.
7. chris took me out for oysters and it was so beautiful and nice. we sat outside and just watched people walking by, soaking in the sun and sipping on caesars. it didn’t even feel like we were in montreal. it was so relaxing and satisfying. then we went to juliette et chocolat for dessert. all of these traditions, one last time.
8. last night chris and i cooked an amazing dinner of honey and dijon-glazed porkchops, tortellini and brussel sprouts. it was so yummy and we had wine and it was very classy and romantic. then i met up with joffjoff, joe and sam at st. elizabeth. luke joined us a little later. we headed over to check out st. sulpice and then met up with cozette and friends just across the street at what i assume to be a pop up bar in an alley that only exists in the summer. it was a chill night, but i’m glad i get to spend some of my dwindling time with my friends.
life has also been interspersed with house parties, trips to the park, meals out, a couple of books (atonement, the secret life of bees), a couple of movies (the avengers 2, insurgent) a lot of tv (REVENGE, bates motel, cartoons) – the usual beginnings of summer stuff. i find myself with a lot of empty time, which i should really be using to clean my room and do errands and stuff, but whatever.
i’m going to madeon with chris at new city gas tonight and we’ve been really looking forward to it, so here’s to hoping for a good night. i’m not sure how much i like new city gas though. it’s always so crowded. also their dress code sucks. but i’m sure it’s going to be a lot of fun.
only a few days left, then i’m gone.
things are going to change soon.
i wonder who’s going to remain a part of my life.
IS HE OKAY???????
He left on a stretcher, no word if he’s still going to be arrested or not.
if this isnt the most obvious example of white privilege and whats going on in baltimore right now then i dont know what is
jesus christ
inFURIATING.
