i’ve been feeling really lonely lately, and i think it’s because i can feel people drifting away from me and there’s really nothing i can do to stop it.
i guess that comes with the territory of finally finishing undergrad and hopefully embarking on new journeys in life. time changes everything – lovers and friends included – and eventually we all learn to live with new rhythms.
at night, sometimes i wonder who will stay by my side, and who will go, and who will still want to share their lives with me. i’m the kind of person that wants to grow old with people. i want my relationships to mean something. i want them to be beautiful testaments to the strength and power of friendship and love.
but things change, and people often slip away, sometimes slowly, quietly, with whispered goodbyes, and the worst thing you can do is cling on to those who don’t want to stick around anymore, because to force anything is to break it.
still, after investing so much, and becoming so close, it’s hard to feel people begin to grow separately and away from you.
when i start to feel sad about the distance and the space, i think about the future – always so bright and shining through this lens of hope – and i find strength in the strangers who have yet to walk into my life; strangers who will become new friends, close friends, best friends, lovers – sources of comfort and joy and love – and i am happy life is so long and full of surprises.
who really knows what the future has in store for any of us. maybe there will be distance, maybe that distance will close. maybe people will walk away, maybe they will come back. i of all people know that things have a funny way of working out, and sometimes people can really surprise you. i have enough faith to know that eventually everything turns out okay. all you have to do is keep looking forward.
for now i have the support system i need – a few best friends who have proven and shown their unfailing love, and my infinietly loving and dependable family – so i know i am and will be okay.
actually, writing this has made me feel a lot better about everything.
i just have to remember that some people come and go, and some will stay forever, but there will always be love to spare. in the end, everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to, and those who are meant to stay in my life will be there.
now i just have to bring myself to recap the past month and a bit. i’ve been really lazy with my blogging lately, which is funny because i remember promising myself i’d write every day just a little while ago.
joffjoff and noemie both came to visit and osheaga just happened, which was exciting and absurd, and i want to write about all of it, eventually.
but for now i am sleepy, and all i want to do is curl up with a good book.