i took a nap for a few hours (which was probably not the best thing to do considering i start my first day at my new job pretty early tomorrow), and now i am awake and thinking about how hard (but how necessary) the next few steps are going to be.
but we have weathered storms together, and we’ve built monuments with our hands held tight, and we have held each other close during the hard and broken parts of it, and if there is one thing i know after all that we’ve been through, it’s that we are both strong, and we will continue to grow, even if it has to be apart for a little while.
still, i fear the moments of weakness – the lonely hours in deep night – when my heart will ache and i will stop myself from reaching out across an ocean to ask you how you are – stop myself from drawing near to you, and knowing you and being part of your life in the way i am now – stop myself from claiming my territory on your heart.
because all things change, and i’m a little afraid of the growing pains.
still, it will be nice to know that no matter what, at the end of the day you’re still there.
today you told me about how something i wrote made you mad, and you wondered how i could possibly feel the way i felt – wondered what you might’ve said or done, and how i might’ve twisted things.
i wrote a letter that did a pretty good job of explaining all of the little moments that contributed to those feelings – all of the little things that built and built until i stood in their shadow – but i didn’t send it to you.
maybe one day we’ll get to a point where i can, and maybe one day you’ll read it, and maybe one day we’ll both laugh.
who knows what the future holds.
but for now, i want you to know that i never doubted your love for me – and i absolutely know you never did anything with anyone else while we were together – and as i move forward i’m going to take only the bright and shining parts of it – the pure and tender parts of it – which were almost all of the parts anyway.
and even though it might hurt for a little while, and it might take some getting used to, i want you to be excited.
good night, i love you.