it’s been a while since i’ve last written much of anything, and maybe that’s because i’ve fallen into new routines and nothing feels so extraordinary as to be worth writing about anymore. and then i remember things don’t have to be extraordinary to be worth writing about. and now i want to start writing again.
1. i want to write about how i got a new job, which is essentially my old job but with a little bit more responsibility and authority. i manage hollister now, and the way i see it is if i was going to be working eight hour days at abercrombie anyway (which i was), i might as well be making a little more money. sure it’s a little more demanding, but i get to boss people around with full health and dental benefits.
the only big downside is i got relocated to fairview, which is an hour commute as opposed to the 15 minute walk to eatons, my old work place.
i remember talking to my district manager when i was accepting the job offer and asking him to transfer me back to eatons at the first given opportunity, and he got mad and told me he wanted me to think of fairview as my new home store, which it is, rather than something temporary and unworthy of my commitment and investment.
i remember replying, “i see what you’re saying, but the commute really, really sucks.” and he basically told me i was a brat and we’d talk about it later.
i remember working my first day and suddenly realizing the job wasn’t going to be as easy as i thought it was going to be (an impression i had from watching years of managers come and go at my old store, one of them claiming that “coming to work is like coming to a spa”) because previous management apparently wasn’t the best and now the store needs a lot of work.
it’s only been a few weeks, but i feel like i’m getting the hang of things, and hopefully slowly but surely things will start to improve.
2. i want to write about how last weekend i went out and drank way too much even though i had to be at work by 8:30am (which means i had to wake up at 6:30am) the next day. my friends and i went to a concert and then to someone’s apartment and then elaha and i left everyone and went to some random bar (or at least this is what’s been told to me), and i ended up leaving my shirt at a friends house and walking home with my jacket zipped up and with nothing underneath.
i showed up to work about an hour late, which i thought was fine because i didn’t realize the store opened at 9:30 instead of 10 on saturdays. my opening associate was already there, and so was my district manager, and i was terribly hungover and still a little buzzed i probably smelled like booze and i was really just not in good form.
i needed to go to the back to puke a few times throughout the first few hours of being there, and i asked my district manager if i could leave early, which was a horrifyingly unprofessional mistake, but whatever, i was feeling sick.
he turned to me and said “are you seriously asking me that? never show up to work like this again. do you even want this job?”
and i said, “i mean, i guess” and then he left to go to eatons.
it wasn’t until a few hours later when i was finally sober and feeling way better that i could actually think clearly about things and realize what an embarrassing and unprofessional mess i was. i texted a longwinded but sincere apology to my district manager, and he sent me a forgiving text back, and i vowed i would never let any of that ever happen again.
i felt like a complete dissapointment and i worried nobody would ever take me seriously again, but after a few minutes of feeling the weight of everything that had happened keep me down, i told myself to hold my head up high, because what’s done is done and all we can do in the face of our mistakes is keep looking forward and prove our worth.
i told myself that we all have our off days, and i’m good at this job, and i know i can make a positive difference, which is all true. just a couple of days ago i helped manage dealing with a shoplifting operation in the store, which was equal parts stressful and exciting.
then i reminded myself that i work for a cold corporation that probably doesn’t care about my personal well-being at all, and i’m not really personally invested in its well-being either, so i really don’t mind fucking up every once in a while, if i’m being completely honest.
what i’m saying is i want to do a good job, but it’s not the end of the world every time i stumble, and i think it’s important to keep everything in a healthy perspective.
3. i was going to make this a post about how i wanted to write more, and i was going to list all of the things i wanted to write about (and then write about them, i guess), but now it’s 4am and i’m tired and i have to wake up for work tomorrow, so i guess this is now just a post about my new job.
i’m going to try to write a little every day – i want to start capturing all of the little snapshots that make life vibrant and textured and fun again. everything’s been feeling a little grey, and i forget that sometimes we can only see the colour if we choose to look.
goodnight!