i redownloaded tinder about a couple of weeks ago, though i haven’t really been using it that much at all, and i’ve been talking to this guy for the past couple of days.
he asked if i wanted him to drop by and hang out for a bit on his way to his friend’s place and i said sure, so we met up outside my apartment and hung out at dundas square and talked for maybe half an hour or so.
it was actually a good time, and he seemed nice and sweet enough. he moved here last year from italy to study video game design at the toronto film school, and i’m always so impressed by people who’ve decided to uproot their whole lives, take a risk and move to a completely foreign place full of strangers.
but i forgot that i really don’t like dating from dating apps. there’s something about the inherent pretense of it that kind of puts me off, and i never end up enjoying myself enough to justify all the effort, even if all i did was put on some clothes and take the elevator downstairs. i just kind of hate how contrived it all feels, and i guess i have a hard time nurturing chemistry in forced situations.
i always end up thinking i would’ve been equally happy, if not happier, spending the time doing something on my own, which isn’t to say that i didn’t enjoy myself.
it’s just that i don’t really see a future with this guy – i didn’t really sense any sort of spark – and now if he’s interested, which he seems to be, i’m going to have to have that whole conversation, and i really do hope we can maybe be friends.
i guess i’m kind of old fashioned by wanting my next romance to happen spontaenously and organically, but i guess i also just haven’t happened to meet anyone i’m interested in from a dating app.
i think the issue is that i’m not actually pining for a relationship or anything. i’ve never been one of those people who feels like something’s missing when i don’t have a boyfriend. i genuinely feel like all of my needs are pretty fulfilled by what i have in my life right now.
but sometimes i feel like i should put myself out there, and who knows, maybe by some divine fluke i’ll come across something magical.
that’s always my thought process when i redownload these apps. but then i have one lukewarm experience and decide that the prospect of more mediocre or underwhelming encounters isn’t worth my time and energy, and then i decide to delete them again, which is what i’m going to do now.
i saw a meme once that said something along the lines of “if i’m meant to have a relationship, it will find me in my apartment,” and that’s truly where i’m at right now.
thankfully, i’ve always kind of loved being on my own.