went on an impromptu date last night and it was really cute. he was very my type – sweet, handsome, great body, could hold a conversation – currently playing the piano for a musical, engaging, asked me questions about myself. i felt like i could really be myself around him, which is always a great sign.

we started at cafe boheme in soho, had a romantic french dinner in dim light, and it was nice even if maybe a tad too loud. went and got donuts for dessert and ended at the duke of wellington for a couple of drinks (me with my coca colas), cozying up against each other.

at one point he asked if i was actually into him, and i said of course, because i was. i hadn’t been that excited in a date in a while. earlier, on our way to get donuts, i tried to initiate a kiss and it felt like he rebuffed me so i actually thought he wasn’t very into me. he pulled me in for the kiss when i started to turn away though, so it all worked out.

but then, at the bar, he said something interesting: “i didn’t think guys like you were into guys like me.”

which is not the first time i’ve heard that, and i’m always left wondering what kind of guy i am. how do people perceive me, what’s the impression i give off?

we made tentative plans to see each other today or tomorrow, and i found myself waiting for him to text, which is a bit embarrassing considering it’s only been a day. i feel like whenever a date goes well and i’m excited about a guy, i get too invested too soon, i let my heart flutter in anticipation, my imagination run wild. i guess it’s because it doesn’t really happen that often, so i feel like i have to latch on when it does. but i worry that it makes me come across as too intense, too clingy, too forward, too much.

because i don’t date often, i don’t know what proper dating etiquette is. i’ve never been the kind of person to wait to respond to a message in an effort to come across as more casual and apathetic. if i have my phone on me, i’m going to respond, even if someone’s taken a while to respond to me. is that too thirsty, too eager, too keen?

i hope i’m not coming across too strong, but i also want people to know when i like them because i feel like the most you can do is communicate where you stand as clearly as you can. at least it leaves no room for ambiguity. but maybe it is too intense and pushes people away.

i don’t know, i find these things confusing, but at least if anything, it was a nice date!