sometimes i feel like i’ll be sad for the rest of my life.
and then i remember i’m just a teenager.
Month: October 2010
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BEING AN ANGEL IN MATH CLASS.
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rough version of new song.
sorry for the numerous mistakes – especially at the end…
(Source: tumblr_lazl8xoqyd1qb907m_r1rough version of new song.
sorry for the numerous mistakes – especially at the end…
)
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Their faces were the way women’s faces are when they’ve been talking about you behind your back and they think you’ve heard: embarrassed, but also a little defiant, as if it were their right.
“The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood
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what would you do if somebody cheated on you?
end it, no questions asked.
i obviously wouldn’t have been enough.
i think i can find someone who wants just me.
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it is now october 26th.
my fingertips get nervous stroking the keys when i know you’re the one getting the message.
click-clack-type-type-type.
when did the world become so impersonal?
i like to take the snail mail route, personally; write a letter out, genuine chicken scratch inked onto lined paper, maybe some sort of special stationary bought from some discount store on a whim, lick the envelope with a kind of mysticism that doesn’t come with clicking ‘send’ on a computer screen.
jot down the destination; leave out the return address.
sometimes i don’t need to be written back.
but i need someone to push these affections on. it would’ve been better if there was some sort of caress rather than the sentimental musings made up of incomprehensible words. but i can’t possibly send you a hug wrapped in an envelope.
i hope you appreciate it anyways.
i like to think of myself akin to wildfire in a world of dry wood; cling onto everything, devour, destroy – let no one miss my presence. burn the world away and claim it after it’s all ash and smoke.
you’ve got to be king of something.
i don’t care what anybody says – the heart doesn’t work in mysterious ways.
all it does is yearn and want and hope for better things, never satisfied, always craving more.
people have started to wonder why i’m so miserable.
i think it might be because i’ve lost faith in the wicked ways of the world.
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you need to nurture your little love flower. you need to give it enough water and enough sunshine and enough room to grow. oh, and enough co2.
elaha
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phone calls.
the thing is, is i’m still waiting for that feeling, you know?
i want to be able to pick up the phone and call you without wondering whether or not i should; without worrying about whether or not i’m annoying you, smothering and suffocating you.
i’m still waiting for that feeling, you know?
the knowing that it doesn’t matter because you want to talk to me, and you want to hear my voice – always, whenever, forever.
well, not quite that long, but you get the gist of it.
and when i call, i want the really long, drawn out, inane conversations; the ones that don’t mean anything but that we have because we can have them together.
and i’m still waiting waiting waiting
for you
to kiss me.
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i thought this one deserved its own post.
it’s just too fantastic.
left to right: kyaman, nicky, thadea, me.
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zombie walk, 2010.
above: a photo taken (not by me) of the event.
“WHAT DO WE WANT?
BRAINS.
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?
BRAINS.”i went to the toronto zombie walk for the first time ever with a few of my friends on saturday. it was actually pretty fun. people went absolutely apeshit crazy with their costumes, which is always exciting. it was kind of like being at a lady gaga concert, except everyone was a zombie.
i got to thadea’s house at 1.00pm (in my punk rock shirt, heavy black coat and black/white striped pants) to get zombified, which entailed finalizing costumes and doing our make up for half an hour to create the illusion of being appropriately dead.
i switched my heavy coat in favour of something a little more shabby and donned a hideous blonde wig. thadea put on her fishnets, a skimpy skirt, a tiny top, mile-high platform shoes and a platinum blonde wig and nicky changed into thadea’s sequin tights and put on a dashing burgundy dinner coat.
we decided our costumes were as follows:
me – zombie rock star/raver/drug addict, bitten while snorting a line of cocaine.
thadea – zombie prostitute, bitten while turning tricks.
nicky – zombie…we don’t even know, but whatever it was, it was fantastic.after getting our make up all ready and having thadea’s mom snap a couple of shots, we departed and made our way to trinity bellwoods park. thankfully, there were a bunch of zombies on the ttc so we didn’t get lost and we didn’t garner too many strange, condemning looks; we were part of a crowd, after all – ‘something greater than ourselves.’
upon arriving at the park, i sadly realized that i left the battery of my digital camera on the dresser in my room.
we met up with kieran (a zombie walk veteran), who showed up in a blood-smeared straightjacket, and he was too sticky to give me a hug. he made up for this later, though, so it’s cool.
the walk started soon afterwards. i got some fake blood off a couple of zombies walking next to us to smear all over the faces of my comrades and give us the ‘freshly feasted’ look that was so in vogue at the time.
after meeting up with khayman and elaha, we ditched the walk to go get crepes because food>physical exertion.
and then we parted and headed to my house in separate groups; the weaklings (elaha, thadea and nicky), who had to take the subway because they’re weak, and the strongmen (kieran, khayman and me), who decided to walk, displaying capability and strength.
kieran left because he had to visit his mom, and this saddened me, but it was okay because there was a pretty good farewell hug and i’ll see him again eventually.
we all arrived at my house, and then shannon arrived, and then we watched ghost ship WHICH IS AN AMAZING MOVIE NO MATTER WHAT ANYBODY SAYS.
my brother asked me to buy him booze at the atrium on bay, so we all went out and got harassed by a bunch of drunk teens and after the buying of the booze, we decided to part ways and everyone headed where they needed to go.
shannon and i decided to go and see paranormal activity 2 and we bumped into the drunk guys in the theatre (turns out only a couple of them were really drunk, so it was alright). in a twisted turn of events, we ended up watching the movie with a couple of them and this lay the foundations for what will probably be something very special (for shannon).
the movie was hella creepy, and all in all a very good sequel that provided a strong backstory, so i enjoyed it.
shannon and i took the boys to a subway station and then went and got coffee for some good old bonding time. we were kind tipsy because we’d had a couple of beers while watching the movie and while walking, and that accompanied with the night air made everything easy goings.
it was a good night.
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BUT I AINT NO SLUT.
