dirty little whirlwind, i'm pinned to the heart of your swirl.
DISCLAIMER: this is a personal blog (i just want to write about my life 😭) and does not necessarily reflect the views, opinions or perspectives of my employer or church.
it plays with the shadows on our faces as we pass it around.
make a wish, make a wish – but never for perfection, because it’s the flaws that make us beautiful.
there is solemnity, and afterwards, a cheer – a chant. and shots of redbull passed round and round – adrenaline rushing, flowing through and in us.
there is a buzz in the room. from the monitor we can see the audience piling in, and all at once it becomes so real i almost can’t hold it in. they are watching us. they are here for us. and here we are, waiting to be watched.
“TWO MINUTES.”
(a buzz, a buzz.)
and before any of us know it, we’re all back stage, waiting in the wings.
(a buzz, a buzz.)
and the music cue we’ve heard countless times before becomes so much more.
(a buzz, a buzz.)
and once we hit the stage – once we’re bathed in lights so blinding the audience becomes a blur – everything changes.
and together, we’re better than we ever thought we could be.
so congratulations to everyone who was involved in the production of little shop.
we did freakin amazing.
it was honestly one of the best opening nights i’ve ever been a part of.
there was some kind of magick on the stage that night, and i’m pretty sure it was us.
so i haven’t posted in a while and i feel the need to do a bit of catch up before moving forward with things.
i went to my friend’s comedy show last saturday night with shannon and a bunch of her friends.
the jokes were crude and uncouth, yet thoroughly enjoyable, and i found myself being drawn to the most awkward of the performers. i think there’s something so charming about being socially inept in some people.
something strange was brewing between my parents though, and there came a text from my brother that disturbed me right before the show started. it was on the back burner of my mind for the entire evening, so i couldn’t fully enjoy myself. but i did my best to get into the spirit of things.
after the show, we all went to sam’s for the afterparty, and although i was expecting something unrelentingly wild and wholeheartedly self-destructive, things were calm for the most part, and soon it became something of a chill sesh.
a couple of the older comedians had come by, and i remember really liking one of them. he told me i was the nicest and one of the most charismatic of the bunch, and then said i was really mature.
there was something very sweet about him, which was strange because i remember his humour being incredibly dark.
i left at about 2:30 to go visit dave at work. i was kind of in a drunken stupor at that point, so i walked into timothy’s, ordered coffee, grabbed a newspaper and sat down at a table trying to find sudoku.
i remember some guy chatting me up, and subsequently sitting across from me and just staring like the creeper he probably was, and i think dave noticed too because he made me sit at the bar.
i wasn’t complaining.
i waited around for him to finish his shift and close up, but this turned out to be kind of pointless seeing as we had to go in pretty much opposite directions to get home.
but i wasn’t in any hurry to get home, and i really like the night air, so i walked with him and manny to the bus stop and waited for his bus.
i don’t know what i was expecting to find when i got home. i don’t want to say much about it, but the situation was kind of rocky at the very least. i think it was the worst i’ve ever seen it.
but when i got home, my parents were being all lovey-dovey, so i was pleased.
this is probably the scariest my face has ever been.
edit: i just rewatched this with volume and noticed the pretty ambient music. i filmed this during one of the boring parts of charlie st. cloud, which da fam decided to watch and was thoroughly amused by because we kept dubbing everything with our own dialogue.
this is probably the scariest my face has ever been.
edit: i just rewatched this with volume and noticed the pretty ambient music. i filmed this during one of the boring parts of charlie st. cloud, which da fam decided to watch and was thoroughly amused by because we kept dubbing everything with our own dialogue.
it was shannon’s birthday yesterday so after a pretty rewarding nine hour musical rehearsal, i met up with her and we headed over to space jam at the bread and circus.
she was dressed in hipster chic, her hair was really nice, and she had this beautiful red lipstick on, so the only thing that detracted from her level of class was the fact that she was sitting in a streetcar stop drinking a can of beer out in the open, for all the world to see.
and she had around seven more beers in her bag.
the concert turned out to be pretty good. it took a little while for me to get into the groove of things, mostly because i was much less inebriated than the rest of them (this would become less and less true throughout the night). but once i got the vibe of the music, i found my way to the front with shannon, alana and celeste, and we kind of just jived.
i saw a couple of old faces, as per, and was introduced to a couple of new ones, and all in all it was a pretty good concert and i even found myself in it at a couple of points.
i really like dancing.
after it ended, a few of us went over to this really sketchy thai restaurant where we hungrily dined on some pretty fantastic pad thai and stir fry.
shannon was giving dan a piggy back on the way there and ended up scratching her knee.
thank goodness a drunken stupor = immunity to pain.
and after dinner rob and satchel took us to a roof where we pulled out the sharpie and left messages on blank walls. i felt kind of glorious overlooking the city, and it was a really nice night out.
above: a couple of creepy as hell mannequins dave and i happened to walk by at some point.
so i went out on a date on saturday night.
it was very standard – in the good way – and it was all very sweet and i had fun.
he took me to java house for dinner and we saw this old jewish woman with whom he’d had a drunk conversation with one night long ago. apparently she’s loaded and carries around a wad of hundred and fifty dollar bills wherever she goes.
we talked and exchanged stories, and although i’d been kind of nervous that we wouldn’t have anything to talk about and i’d have to leave after an hour of uncomfortable silence and anxious fidgeting, conversation flowed easily and it was all very comfortable and chill. he’s a sweet guy, and it was nice to get a sense of him without a counter in between us.
we went to cafe crepe for dessert. there was a rose and a candle on the table in anticipation for valentine’s day. it was all very ambient, and he let me sit on the comfy seat (plus 10 points).
he said i wouldn’t be full because supposedly my mind would subconsciously make my stomach save some extra room for dessert if it’s expected, but i was pretty full and i know secretly he was too.
also, he’s bad at puzzles.
after that, we went to buy wine and then headed over to his working establishment to visit his coworkers.
we would end up spending about an hour attempting to do a really difficult crossword puzzle (THE CLUES WERE EFFING DUMB) before heading over to a bar next door for drinks and lifechats.
it was at the bar that he inspected my wallet and found my fakes, thereby discovering my true age.
i am now concerned he thinks i’m a fetus, WHICH I’M SO NOT.
he was, like, “wait, you’re from new brunswick? and how can you go to college and university at the same time?”
and then he figured it out. it was kind of cute.
i guess you could say we learned a lot about each other, which is a good thing. he found out i’m actually filipino and i found out what his last name is.
i like to call this progress.
turns out he’s pretty smart and well-read too, from what i know (plus 50 points). he kept spitting out random facts about things that came up in conversation and i found it endearing.
i gave him a kiss when it was time to part ways, but then awkwardly ran away because i got nervous and worried that i’d overstepped my boundaries. it’s kind of hard to tell what people want sometimes.
i guess it’s nice to take things slow though.
but he better feel special, because i don’t give kisses out to just anyone.
i have hope for the night – that i’ve been told starts a tad too late – and with this excitement comes trepidation.
they walk hand in hand, like lovers, and other hands keep turning on a patient face – number after number after number – until the stars are where they’re supposed to be and waiting gives way to action.
and potential becomes something either wonderful or dismaying.
with my hands clasped together, i look up into this night, and pray for another night – that it may be filled with wonderlust and magick.
and if there has to be a silence, please let it be the beautiful kind.
EDIT: so the first time i uploaded this, the audio was out of sync, so i reuploaded it in hopes it would magically fix itself and it didn’t. i’ve ceased to give a shit.
EDIT: so the first time i uploaded this, the audio was out of sync, so i reuploaded it in hopes it would magically fix itself and it didn’t. i’ve ceased to give a shit.
